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How A Coldplay Concert Gave Me The Courage To Begin The Grieving Process

I've always loved Coldplay, but during this week's concert in Chicago, I became an even bigger fan. They were able to do for me what no one else has been able to do thus far: Help me grieve and mourn the loss of my best friend, my grandma.

Her death happened suddenly. She was smiling, laughing and spilling out one-liners one minute and stopped breathing the next. She was gone. And I missed it.

I'd been with her for all her other close calls — except this time. This time, I was on my way to the airport to see her when I got the call she hadn't survived the trip to the hospital; she died en-route.

My time grieving and mourning has been difficult, to say the least. Not only was she my best friend, but she was also my surrogate parent, who had raised me since I was three. In fact, you may have read about her before, when she offered me her best dating advice.

She told me things like,

Let him come to you. If you can find him, he can find you… If guys did it back then, with such limited resources and telephones that were plugged into the wall that I had to share with my entire nine-person household, they could do so nowadays, too.

funeral card of grandma depicting photo of her holding a rose in her mouth and funny phrases she said

Natalia Lusinski

Overall, I swear her sense of humor was what kept my grandma — and all of us around her — alive for so long. But now, without her, what would keep me alive? Life seemed unbearable. How was it fair for me to live when she no longer was?

Since my grandma's death, every time I've gone out, tears inevitably slip down my cheeks. During each public downpour, I'd wipe away the tears, embarrassed.

But, during the Coldplay concert, multi-colored lights flashed on and off like strobe lights and accentuated my tears. I just cried and cried, not wiping them away. I let the lyrics resonate and tried to appreciate all the time I did get with my grandma, instead of being devastated our time together was up. I could finally cry freely, without judgment or being self-conscious. I could start to heal.

The Coldplay concert was the best therapy I've ever experienced. It's as though the band created their set list just for me. These were just a few of the lyrics they sang

Look at the stars, look how they shine for you…

If you go, if you go, don't leave me down here on my own, then I'll wait for you…

When you lose something you can't replace…

Nobody said it was easy, it's such a shame for us to part, nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard…

Coldplay's performance just spoke to me. After all, I must believe my grandma's in “a sky full of stars” in “paradise,” right? And I must go on living. For her sake as much as my own.

So, thank you, Coldplay, for the reminders.


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Natalia Lusinski

Contributor

Natalia writes regularly for Bustle, HelloGiggles, and Simplemost, but her writing and personal essays can also be found in the L.A. Times, xoJane, Scary Mommy, Elite Daily, and the Chicago Tribune's RedEye, among other publications. She has a ...
Natalia writes regularly for Bustle, HelloGiggles, and Simplemost, but her writing and personal essays can also be found in the L.A. Times, xoJane, Scary Mommy, Elite Daily, and the Chicago Tribune's RedEye, among other publications. She has a ...

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