Seven Hacks That Will Help You Break All Your Horrible Drunk Habits
Alcohol is fun.
Alcohol helps you meet new people, it makes you feel like you can dance and makes for unforgettable nights (that you definitely forget sometimes).
But it also leads to unbearable hangovers and decisions you'll probably regret.
Like eating an entire box of Cheez-Its at 2 am after sending your ex several sad texts and a few Snapchats.
While we all have little ways of “undoing” the damage we did — like deleting our text history with said ex before going to sleep to pretend it didn't happen — wouldn't it be better if we just didn't do the things we regret?
Here are some easy ways to actually make that happen.
Eat a real dinner.
Alcohol is filled with calories, as is food.
So when you think about drinking a lot and eating a lot in a single night, it doesn't exactly sound good.
What's worse, though: pairing your alcohol with a dinner full of protein, carbs and vegetables or going without dinner and then coming home and eating an entire large pizza by yourself?
You can probably answer that one.
Eating enough before a night of drinking will not only help your body absorb alcohol, but it'll mean you're less hungry when you get home. And being less hungry when you get home means less pizza-ordering.
Do you see where we're going with this?
Waking up $100 poorer after a night you don't even remember isn't the best feeling.
So to prevent yourself from opening a tab and buying every stranger in sight a drink, decide how much money you want to spend beforehand.
Then go to an ATM and take it out in cash.
After all, it's pretty hard to spend 80 bucks when you only have 20.
Download an app.
Believe it or not, there are apps that exist for the sole purpose of preventing you from drunk texting someone.
The app DrunkDial forces you to take a sobriety test that includes timed math problems — although we're not sure we could solve those soberly, come to think of it — before allowing you to contact whoever's on your “no contact” list. The app DrunkMode will stop you from contacting anyone you add to a certain list for up to 12 hours.
Hey, it's worth a try.
Keep healthy food in the house.
If you don't have unhealthy food on hand, it's going to be a lot harder to binge eat it when you get home.
We're not saying this will stop your drunk trip to McDonald's, but if you do happen to make it home before the drunchies strike, do you really think you'll eat 12 containers of Greek yogurt?
And even if you do, at least it's not a Big Mac.
Are we right or are we right?
Go straight to bed.
This one may be easier said than done, but if you can get in the habit of heading straight to bed (with a giant glass of water, of course) the second you get home, it will save you from a lot of late night drunken mistakes.
Going straight to bed means not eating everything in your kitchen, which is awesome.
It also means not sitting on your floor with your phone (and probably a bag of chips) and leaving your ex drunk voicemails.
How great is this sounding?
Get a friend on board.
We have friends for a reason. They keep us company, talk us through our problems and stop us from embarrassing ourselves.
If you want to avoid calling or texting someone (or just want to avoid posting embarrassing Instagram photos), hand your friend your phone. Instruct him or her to keep it safely with them until you go home.
Or better yet, until the next morning.
Holding your phone hostage isn't the only thing a friend can do for you during a wild night out. Before heading out, give this dear friend a set of instructions.
If you start drunkenly stumbling toward Taco Bell, for example, have him or her throw you in a cab. When you try to buy that random girl you met in the bathroom a Tequila shot, make sure they stop you.
Oh, and make sure to thank this awesome friend.
Just don't drink that much.
We know you don't want to hear this one.
Let's be real, though: If you only have two drinks, how likely are you to do any of the things we mentioned above?
Not very likely. Not very likely at all.
The truth is, hangovers are horrible. But that pounding headache is generally a lot better when you're not avoiding checking your bank account and struggling to remember every awful thing you ate, said and did the night before.
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