Why You Want Your Ex Back Even Though You Broke Up With Him
Five weeks ago, you broke up with the guy you once thought was “the one.”
The decision wasn't easy, but at the time there was no question in your mind it was the right one. You were arguing every day, he was more devoted to his Xbox than to you and, most importantly, you just weren't in love with him anymore.
After tearfully saying “goodbye” while simultaneously handing him a bag of weird T-shirts he had left at your apartment and your houseplant he was strangely attached to, you felt sad but good.
You were single and ready to mingle! You signed up for Tinder, Bumble and OkCupid. You were ready to take the dating world by storm.
Fast forward five weeks. You're curled up in the fetal position in bed laughing hysterically while watching that one “South Park” episode your ex really loved (that you hated while you were together, by the way).
You're halfway through a pint of Peanut Butter Cup Ben & Jerry's (PSA: there's like 1,500 calories in one of those things), and you really, really miss your ex.
You made the wrong decision, you're sure of it. You would do anything to get him back, but from the looks of his Instagram photos he's already moved on.
So, what's going on with that? Here's the deal.
Our brains are really good at remembering the good stuff.
When it comes to memory, our brains have something called a “positivity bias,” meaning it's easier for our memories to recall that time you and your ex laughed until your cried or cuddled and drank wine during a snowstorm than it is to remember that huge screaming match you had at your sister's wedding.
We're conditioned to forget pain, at least to a certain extent. If you truly remembered how painful that half marathon you ran last spring was, would you really want to run another one?
Didn't think so. Apply that thought process to the warm fuzzy feelings you're currently having about your ex.
Those dates you were so excited about kind of suck.
The truth is, it's hard to find a genuine connection with another person. Whether it's over dinner, a drink or Netflix, it's just not easy.
Even if you and your ex weren't right for each other, you probably connected pretty well and were definitely super comfortable around each other.
So if sitting across from a stranger who you're not that attracted to while sharing boring work stories isn't doing it for you, we don't blame you.
And we really don't blame you if it makes you miss the easy conversations you used to have with your ex.
One day you will meet someone who makes you laugh as hard as your ex once did and who you're crazy attracted to. Until then, you'll just have to grin and bear the awkward dates.
You want what you can't have.
You know that moment when you go on a diet and can no longer eat cake and cookies and suddenly all you want is cake and cookies?
That's probably what's happening with your ex. You cut off all contact (good for you — that's the way to do it!) and suddenly he has never seemed more appealing.
Think about it like this: Eating that forbidden cookie would probably feel great in the moment, but afterward you would probably feel pretty bad about it. The same thing would happen if you called or texted your ex.
So don't do it.
They look great in their photos.
Were those biceps there two months ago? Definitely not. Your ex didn't even belong to a gym to take selfies at!
Not only is he looking great, but since your breakup your ex seems to be having a blast. His Instagram is full of photos of him with his friends and, even worse, groups of gorgeous girls you've never seen before.
There's always a possibility that your ex really is having a blast, but let's be real: He just go dumped.
He's probably partying a lot and then going home and playing all the songs you used to listen to together. Come on!
As for those gym selfies, maybe he's channeling his breakup angst into a new fitness routine. Or maybe he's purposely trying to make you jealous.
Whatever the case, please unfollow him on Instagram right now.
You miss your best friend.
When you had a boyfriend, you had a built-in buddy to do everything with. He was part of your routine.
You loved sharing a few beers while staying in and watching Netflix on Friday nights, and you loved your Saturday morning runs and trips to the farmers' market.
It's hard to lose such a close friend, so surround yourself with girlfriends who will help distract you and lift you up.
Fill your weekends with activities that make you happy, and rejoice you no longer have to spend your Sunday afternoons drinking beer and watching football (unless that's your thing, in which case, more power to you!).
One day you'll find someone who is so much better for you than your ex ever was.
Until then, just remember: It's called a breakup because it's broken. Please don't text him.
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