There have literally been entire films, anthologies and over a one billion dollar industry devoted to debunking the bizarre behaviors of men. But what it really boils down to is that some men are as puzzling as the existence of shoulder pads. You know, the ones that have us going, “BUT, WHY???”
And yet, despite these males’ peculiar dispositions, they somehow always end up happily married before us. How did that happen? This only makes their presence on earth even more confounding. To the men who take us to Shake Shack, and then tell us that they’re on a diet, who hold our hands and follow us around the bar, and who don’t like dogs: We just don’t get you, bros.
Elite Daily already discussed the kinds of women that men will never understand, and now it’s time to turn the tables. Here’s the ten types of guys that girls will never understand.
The One Who Cheats On His Girlfriend, But Won’t Break Up With Her
This is the guy that complains about his girlfriend constantly to anyone who listens. If you can’t stand her so much, then why are you still with her? That just doesn’t make sense, guys. Seriously, it’s bad enough that everyone knows about your infidelity. Don’t act like a chump. Man up and cut it off — for everyone’s sake.
The One Who Can’t Take A Hint
The first time you asked us out, we put you down gently with an excuse about being busy. And we hoped that you’d take a hint. The next time you reached out, and we didn’t respond, we’d hope that you’d take a hint (girls are a little passive aggressive, okay?). When you made us feel bad about ignoring you, after you called and left a sad voicemail (that will eventually be played for our friends), and we write you a pity text.
We’d hope you’d accept that things aren’t going to work out, and move on. Stop misreading our signals. When we don’t answer your calls and don’t return them either, that doesn’t give you a “go” to keep trying. We cannot comprehend why these guys just won’t take the hint. It’s more painful for everyone involved when these stage 5ers can’t let go — and it never ends well, even though you two were never anything to begin with!
The All-Around Awesome One Who Dates A Super Sucky Loser
We’ll just get this out on the table first: half of the reason why we don’t understand why you date her is because she’s not us. That being said, will someone please explain why the greatest guys are attracted to the worst girls? How Robert Pattinson could stand being around Kristen Stewart is something that will always baffle us.
It’s almost impossible to fathom how well-rounded, perfect guys could have such bad taste in women. It’s like being a dentist, but having really rotten teeth. HUH?
The One Who Is Too Comfortable Too Fast
This dude is completely shameless. He’s the gentleman pooping with the door open upon first meeting at your weekend share house. He’s oftentimes an oversharer, spilling everything from his gross personal habits to overly graphic sexual encounters, which makes us wonder if he ever even hooks up with girls in the first place.
When your pants are tighter than ours. When you’re rocking more labels than the storage closet. We’re all for looking fresh, but there comes a point when we’re honestly confused about your sexuality. We just want to know if you are into us women or not, no hard feelings either way. Don’t make us question ourselves with your posters of Justin Timberlake, love of Broadway and impeccable shoe collection.
The One Who Hooks Up With Every Girl in the Group
To be fair, we don’t understand the female members of the group either (Girl Code, ladies!). But back to the gents here, what’s the allure of getting passed around? And, why try to start beef amongst the group? Everything was fine until you came along.
The One Who Is A Huge PUSSY!
We don’t even want to spend the brain capacity and words on this guy. When a woman has bigger testicles than you, it’s time to go find yours.
The One Who’s Only Seen With His Girlfriend
Remember that nice guy we were buddies with in college? It feels like we used to see him everywhere, and now we’re wondering where he went. Yeah, he has a girlfriend now, and he only goes out when she does and where she does. Chances are he used to be quite the player, too, so it’s even more perplexing as to why we never spot him at The Standard anymore.
The One Who Frats Too Hard
College is over. It’s no longer acceptable to have empty beer cans piled on your desk and to partake in a Nintendo 64 tournament. And on a similar note, we still don’t understand why you’re dating that sophomore at GWU when you’re 26. In fact, it actually weirds us out.
The One Who Is a Total Momma’s Boy
It’s really nice that you have a great relationship with your mom. Seriously, it’s very endearing. It gets a little out of hand though when you constantly compare us to her and call her during intimate moments. It’s like a bad case of separation anxiety and it’s completely unattractive.
Top Photo Courtesy: Dangerous Complicity