Women love wine. This is a cold, hard truth. We love how classy it makes us look, or at least that’s what we tell ourselves as we uncork our second bottle of the night. There’s no better feeling after a long, hard day of work than relaxing on the couch with your feet up and a glass of wine in hand.
Whether you prefer red or white, it doesn’t matter; your passion for wine knows no boundaries. As with anything in excess, however, there can be a downside, and in this case, it comes in the form of a massive hangover. There’s nothing quite like experiencing a wine-over, as any self-respecting, wine-loving female can tell you.
Let’s dig deeper into this love-hate relationship women face with our beloved vice.
1. Drinking two glasses and already feeling buzzed: LOVE
For some reason, it takes about four mixed drinks to give you half the feeling that two glasses of wine gives you. How am I already tipsy? Who cares! #Winning
2. Slurring your words more than you do after any other alcohol: HATE
Why can I not shut up? Why are the words just flowing out of my mouth in sentences I cannot understand? Oh well, may as well pour another glass.
3. Looking classy: LOVE
No one is judging you when you are sipping on a glass of wine. You know who is being judged? The girl ripping tequila shots at the end of the bar.
4. The hangover that follows: HATE
Oh, the headache; it hurts. It hurts. Nothing is worse than having a wine-over all day at the office. You are increasingly more irritable and it’s a guarantee that every little thing will annoy the sh*t out of you.
5. Slapping the bag: LOVE
If you have never slapped the bag, you haven’t lived. This is such a widespread collegiate pastime that it actually led to the Swine Flu outbreak at Penn State back in 2009, seriously.
6. Spilling red wine: HATE
Glad I just dropped $90 on this brand new shirt that I will never be able to wear again. #Fail
7. The drunk off wine: LOVE
Nothing gets you feeling quite the way wine does. It’s a unique drunk that will always leave you feeling greeeeat.
8. The drowsiness you feel after drinking wine: LOVE-HATE
There’s a reason people drink wine before they go to bed; it eases the sleeping process. Just don’t make the mistake of drinking too much of it before a night out, or you will most definitely be leaving the bar early.
9. The great conversations you have over wine: LOVE
Throw back a couple of glasses and let the sh*t-talking begin!
10. Red wine is good for heart health: LOVE
That means I should totally just drink this entire bottle, right?
11. Red wine stains your teeth: HATE
Glad I just used white strips before heading out for the night! You better remain conscious of your appearance while drinking red wine in public since it is more than likely to stain your teeth.
12. It comforts you when you’re upset: LOVE
Wine makes everything better — EVERYTHING!
14. It makes you overly emotional: HATE
Ain’t nobody got time for a girl who downs a bottle of wine and starts crying about her ex from five years ago. Debbie Downer, do us all a favor and GTFO.
14. Wine gives you an excuse to be extra sloppy: LOVE
Blame it on the al-al-al-al-al-alcohol…
15. When you buy a bottle at CVS and realize it’s only six percent alcohol: HATE
What is the point of something containing such a minuscule amount of alcohol? What a waste of calories!
16. Who needs a boyfriend when you have wine?: LOVE
Who needs the comfort of another person when you have a nice big bottle of wine to cozy up with?
17. When you run out: HATE
But why is it all gone? I only had one… two… three glasses… Oh, wait. Maybe it was six. I guess that makes sense.
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