Diets: Whether we care to admit it or not, we are always watching what we’re eating. Regardless of the fact that we’ve most likely never consulted a nutritionist, we monitor our caloric intake like it’s nobody’s business.
Carbs are a whole other factor because, as much as we’d like to swim in a pool of penne alla vodka, we know that if we caved into this craving, there’s no way we’d be fitting into our skinny jeans, and at the end of the day, isn’t that what matters?
I take serving sizes as a challenge not a suggestion
— A$AP Fern (@disco_infern0) March 3, 2014
We hate restricting ourselves, but we hate feeling uncomfortable in our own skin even more. At the same time, we feel accomplished because we are demonstrating some sort of restraint in this ever-tempting world we live in.
Every day is a struggle and women are the ultimate victims. We love and hate diets (yes, there are factors to love about them). Today, we’re going to delve into those reasons.
1. There are endless Mondays: LOVE
How many times have we told ourselves we will just start our diet next week? Lucky for us, there are hundreds of Mondays in a calendar year, making this challenge just a little bit more realistic.
2. Resisting the complimentary bread basket: HATE
But, it’s free! Yes, it’s free for a reason. Do yourself a favor and simply tell the waiter no before he even has a chance to bring it over to your table.
3. Almost every restaurant has a skinny menu: LOVE
Praise the lord, we’re not limited to the salad section!!! Now, there are actually entrees we can eat without shaming ourselves afterwards.
4. We’re f*cking starving: HATE
Whoever said they weren’t hungry while dieting is a damn liar. You’re always hungry because you are most likely focusing on all of the foods you cannot have.
5. It serves as a great topic of conversation: LOVE
If there’s one thing women across the world can agree on, it’s the topic of food. It doesn’t matter what day of the year it is, or the time of the day; once you get a girl talking about dieting, there’s no shutting her up.
6. We’re pretty bad at it: HATE
What do you mean I can’t eat french fries? Aren’t they potatoes? Aren’t potatoes vegetables?
7. When all of your friends are also on one: LOVE
There’s nothing worse than sitting down to a meal with a friend who can basically eat whatever she wants, while you’re stuck there eating rabbit food.
8. Being hungover while simultaneously being on a diet: HATE
Everyone knows the best way to cure a hangover is to smoke some weed then eat a greasy-ass meal. Well, being hungover on a diet basically eliminates your morning-after regimen.
9. It shows we have self-control in at least one aspect of our lives: LOVE
I would often get offended when my boyfriend — well, ex-boyfriend — would tell me I had no self-control. It’s like he didn’t even realize I hadn’t eaten carbs in almost a month.
10. When your office brings in lunch: HATE
Bagel Wednesdays and pizza Fridays are the ultimate test of a diet. I mean, it takes a strong person to resist free food while also struggling to pay rent.
11. When you finally go down a pant size: LOVE
The difference between a 27 and 26 is HUGE. When you can actually see and feel your hard work and effort paying off, it makes skipping out on all those bread baskets more than worth it.
12. Dieting for weeks and not losing any weight: HATE
I’m confused. I haven’t eaten a carb since my last period, and yet, I still weigh the exact f*cking same. I’m calling BS on this one!
13. Weight Watchers’ desserts: LOVE
It’s like when you’re cheating, but it doesn’t really count. Those ice cream desserts are banging and almost taste as good as Häagen-Dazs — not really, but we can convince ourselves otherwise.
14. Never being satisfied despite how much broccoli you eat: HATE
I just ingested at least five pounds of healthy leafy vegetables, but I’m still starving? Whatever, I’m getting cheese fries…
15. People telling you that you look skinny: LOVE
Men, if you are out there and reading this, the quickest way to get a girl to sleep with you is to tell her she’s beautiful and looking THIN. Just kidding, but seriously…
16. Being on your period and not being able to eat chocolate: HATE
But isn’t this the one time of the month when healthy eating habits go out the window? I mean, I JUST WANT CHOCOLATE. Yeah, give in to that craving and all the hard work of the past few weeks will be tossed aside.
17. Hummus: LOVE
Need I say more?
18. How expensive healthy food is: HATE
So, two avocados are going to cost me over $6? But that pre-made mac and cheese dish is only $4 and it’s already prepared…
19. Clothes start to fit the way they’re supposed to: LOVE
Wait, so you’re telling me there aren’t supposed to be indents from the seams onto my skin when I remove my pants? You actually aren’t supposed to see that circular button print where my pants clasp together? Mind blown.
20. Going out to a restaurant and even the salad is over 1,000 calories: HATE
For 1,000 calories, I would much rather just have a plate of french fries. I get it, the ingredients are healthier, but when all I’m doing is looking at the numbers, I just don’t care what the difference is.
21. Portion control: HATE
What the f*ck even is a serving size? You’re saying I can’t eat this entire bag of low-fat, salt-free chips? I can only have 14 chips?! This is some serious nonsense.
22. Going to any party or social event: HATE
Super Bowl parties, holiday parties and weddings are where diets go to die. RIP to that almost-four-pack. As soon as you hit the buffet, your progress is long gone.
23. Going on a date and seeming Anorexic: HATE
You enjoy that filet over there, but I’m going to stick with my mixed greens salad. Yes, I’m sure this is enough food for me. Carry on with your meaningless banter, which I’m definitely tuning out.
24. Not having chub rub in the summer: LOVE
By dieting, you are striving to eliminate that uncomfortable feeling when your thighs stick together in the summer. If you have never experienced this sensation before, well good for you! For the others, may the odds be ever in your favor.
25. When your boobs start to shrink: LOVE/HATE
It all depends on the person with this one, but personally, the best part of dieting is the literal weight that is lifted off my shoulders. Chalk it up to the #BigBoobProblems.
26. Trying to fight the urge to drunk eat: HATE
There are few things that taste better than pizza at 3 am, but keep telling yourself that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.
27. Holidays that basically encourage dieting: LOVE
Everyone should celebrate Yom Kippur, just saying. Shout out to you, too, Ramadan and Lent.
Top Photo Courtesy: We Heart It