The Princeton Mom: 5 Things You Can Do Right Now To Find A Husband In Your 20s
The views and opinions in this article are solely the author's and do not reflect the official opinion of Elite Daily. The author, Susan Patton (aka “The Princeton Mom”) is a native New Yorker, an author, a mother, a frequent television and radio commentator on women's issues, and was nominated to the TIME 100 in 2014.
Finding a husband when you’re young isn’t as hard as you think it is. I'll explain in a minute… But, first, are you sure that you want a husband?
Marriage isn't for everyone.
Are you sure that you want a lifelong commitment to one man? Are you confident that you can spend the rest of your life putting his needs before your own?
Honestly, that's the basis of a good marriage — each of you putting the needs of the other at the top of your priority list.
Okay, good. If you've answered yes to these questions, then you really do want a husband.
Should you be looking for your life partner as early as this? Yes. Yes. Emphatically, yes.
Here's why: If you wait until you're in your 30s (as in, “… I'm going to take the first 10 years out of college to build my career and then think about finding a husband and starting a family…”), you'll be competing for the same men with women 10 years younger than you. That's not a competition that you will fare well in.
Women in their 20s are fresh, dewy, innocent and irresistible to men… They have 10 more years of fertility than women in their 30s.
A man who has also taken 10 years after college to build his career, sow his wild oats, and is now ready to settle down and start a family, wants a bride who has a long fertility life ahead of her. At 35, your pregnancy is already considered high risk due to advanced maternal age.
You are at your most beautiful and most desirable in your early 20s, and should use this time to your very best advantage.
So we've determined that you definitely want a husband, and you understand that this search is best undertaken in your early 20s — how do you do it?
The best time and the best way to meet your mate is while you are a student.
On your college (or grad school) campus, you can meet and evaluate potential life partners in an organic way — in class, walking around campus, over a meal, participating in the marching band, writing for the school newspaper.
You won't understand until you are no longer a student (at which point it is too late) how rich an environment for husband-hunting your campus is, so you'll just have to trust me on this.
You will never again have this concentration of men to choose from — men who are age-appropriate, single and like-minded enough to attend the same school as you.
Okay, so we agree that you should find a husband while you are a student, but men on campus aren't interested in marriage.
How do you overcome that? Easy: Don't have sex with them.
There was a time before the sexual revolution, birth control pills and legal abortion when very young men were eager to be married as soon as they graduated from school. Why? Because that's the only way they could have sex.
The proliferation of hookups and casual sex has given men the thing that they want most, without commitment.
Girls, you know that as soon as you have sex with him, the relationship changes — irrevocably. At the risk of sounding old-fashioned, men won't buy the cow if the milk is free.
This isn't complicated game theory. If you offer men sex without commitment, you eliminate the incentive for men to commit.
Again, tried and true wisdom suggests that you should save some magic for the honeymoon.
But, what if your school days are already behind you?
Here are some practical suggestions of where to find the love of your life:
1. Connect with your alumni association, and participate in alumni events.
This ensures a pre-qualified group of men with whom you know you have at least one thing in common (you went to the same school). Chances are you share other commonalities as well.
2. Go to church, synagogue, mosque — regularly!
Spiritual connectivity is a good thing for many reasons, and your house of worship has an in-house matchmaker. Let the cleric know that you would appreciate an introduction to other single members of the congregation.
3. Take a class in something that allows for interaction with other students.
Not a lecture where everyone just sits and listens, but a workshop in pottery, woodworking, acting, cooking — something where everyone creates together and there is break that allows for schmoozing and comparing work.
4. Get involved in community service.
You never know who you'll meet planting posies in the park or volunteering at the local senior center — and one of those seniors may have a very cute grandson who comes to visit.
5. Tell everyone you know and trust that you would appreciate their introducing you to any single men they know that may be good for you.
People are reluctant to make these introductions for fear of being seen as intrusive or presumptuous. Let them know that you would consider it a favor. And follow up. Ask… do you know anyone? Can you think of any single men whom you could introduce me to?
Finding a husband really isn't much different than it was generations ago. Women still want handsome men who will adore them, respect them and are successful enough to provide for their future family.
Men still want beautiful women who will adore them, respect them and will be good wives and mothers to their future family. It seems that what has changed is instant intimacy. It's not good for women. It should be a very slow dance to the bedroom, and one that you absolutely want to savor every small step.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It