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59 Reasons Why Pizza Is Literally 100% Better Than A Boyfriend

Pizza or a boyfriend — if a female had to choose one, it would really be quite the toss up.

Sure, we love getting attention, but is there anything more comforting than a hot dollar slice at 3 in the morning? If you answered yes, then move along because this article isn’t for you.

If there is one universal food that every “regular” vegetarian or Gluten-free person could agree on… it’s pizza.

The average American consumes 6,000 slices of pizza in a lifetime and if that statistic doesn’t blow your mind, maybe the following list will.

1. Pizza doesn’t care if your hair is greasy because it’s greasy too.

2. You can have your dough and eat it too.

3. It wants you to eat until you’re stuffed.

4. You can fit an entire slice in your mouth without gagging.

5. It doesn’t have to be hot to be amazing.

6. You can actually enjoy it at any hour of the day.

7. You want to spend even more time with pizza when you’re on your period.

8. You always want it in and around your mouth.

9. It’s as saucy as you are.

10. You don’t care when it’s acting cheesy; in fact, the cheesier the better.

11. There’s no surprise when it comes to inches — actually, you choose that yourself!

12. It’s the perfect Netflix pairing.

13. Pizza certainly doesn’t get offended when you only want it late at night.

14. There really is never a time when you don’t want it inside of you.

15. It doesn’t care if you want to hang out at your place or its.

16. Pizza will stay in with you AND meet you out.

17. It’s well-rounded.

18. It definitely doesn’t ask you questions…

19. …Or talk back.

20. You can put it away and take it out whenever you want.

21. It wants you to get fat. Would a boyfriend ever want such a thing? Exactly.

22. It encourages all of your worst habits.

23. It can be extra cheesy and not turn you off.

24. There’s always more of it around the corner.

25. Despite being Italian, pizza isn’t even obnoxious.

26. You never have to worry about sharing…

27. …Or anyone coming after what’s yours.

28. Pizza will never leave you.

29. You can fold it any which way you please without it complaining about a leg cramp.

30. It doesn’t matter if you tend to get a little sloppy with it.

31. It always lets you call the shots…

32. …And doesn’t reprimand you when you’ve had too many.

33. It’s beautiful no matter how big or little…

34. …But the saying “bigger is better” certainly applies.

35. It always smells delicious.

36. It gets the job done EVERY DAMN TIME. #SatisfactionGuaranteed.

37. You don’t have to worry about it lingering the next day, just put the leftovers in the fridge and eat it whenever you please.

38. It’s not illegal to pick it up off the street.

39. You don’t care where it comes from or where it’s been.

40. Pizza doesn’t mind if you cheat on it with other foods because it knows you’ll always come running back to it at 2 am.

41. It won’t give you sh*t for taking and posting selfies on your Snapchat story

42. The same goes for Instagram.

43. You also never have to worry about it ditching you for a younger, hotter girl; a personal pie is loyal to you, and you only.

44. Its attention is always focused on you.

45. You don’t care if it gets on your face because you actually are saving it for later.

46. The best part is swallowing.

47. Pizza always goes straight to your thighs.

48. Its only job is to pleasure you.

49. When you order it, it comes every time.

50. There are no hesitations when your relationship escalates.

51. You can customize it to your liking.

52. Thick or thin — the choice is yours.

53. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

54. You’re guaranteed a great night’s sleep after being stuffed with it.

55. You can eat it front to back or back to front.

56. You can heat it up real quickly.

57. You don’t have to worry about any unpleasant surprises when it’s in your mouth.

58. You still love it even when it’s a little cold to you.

59. It won’t text other girls or cheat on you with your best friend who will deny it until you go through her text messages. Bitches.

 

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Ashley Fern

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