An Open Letter To Any Girl Who Is Thinking About Texting Her Ex
Dear Single Soul Sister,
Stop. Close the box. Put down the phone. I don't care how lonely or sad or “in the mood” you are; there is no way in hell I am letting you text your ex. Go into your booty call archives or cuddle up to a nice photograph while John Mayer plays in the background.
You think you're pulling a fast one? That he's not going to read between the lines? That “just thought you'd like to know” really doesn't mean “just thought you'd like to know I've been thinking about you every night for the past month and dreaming of excuses to talk to you”? Don't give yourself away so easily.
I've been there. It starts off innocently and the next thing you know, you are envisioning yourself at his sister's wedding that you still haven't gotten the invite to. And it's probably never coming.
You think one casual text won't mean anything — that you can totally get away with it. But ask yourself this: Why are you text messaging instead of calling?
Because you know you shouldn't communicate at all, so it's easier to hide behind the screen and leave nothing to chance.
Therein lies the problem with texting your ex — how are you supposed to have a real conversation when there is nothing real about your mode of correspondence?
The message has undoubtedly been written and rewritten countless times, even receiving your friends' stamps of approval. The wording and punctuation have been scrutinized.
Down to the very minute of the time of day, this whole not-so-nonchalant reaching out has been carefully orchestrated to maximize your desirability and minimize any room for let down. Guess what happens when you make a meal out of a lot of artificial ingredients? You eat a pile of crap.
At the root of it, you want this confirmation that there is still a chance. Your ex is still available and doe-eyed for you. The thing about most men is, if they want something, they'll make it their priority to reach out and get it.
If they haven't intimated that need to you yet, it's not in your best interest to want for it. Time spent agonizing over what to write would be better spent moving forward.
You know when you receive a confessional text message that catches you off guard? First thing you do is share it with your friends. And then you all laugh about it and say things like, “That is so desperate.” What makes you think your ex, who no longer has your side, won't do the same to you?
The hardest part in all of this is coming to terms with the fact that you two are no longer caring about or for each other. He's not wondering if you finally picked up your dry cleaning.
He's not interested in your day. He's not happy to see your name on the screen, other than it means he “won” the breakup. Don't give him that satisfaction.
A text message won't change his opinion of you. It won't bring you two closer or erase any of the bad history. Words on a mobile screen don't have that kind of power.
It's a few sentences that are carefully crafted to convey warmth but still maintain enough distance from what you really want to say, which is “I miss you.” And it's just too far from where you started to be delivered correctly.
You don't need to do it. The next moment and the one after that will still happen if you refrain. Even worse than reopening this chapter would be the confirmation that it's closed for good when there is a lack of response.
Even if it does come, there's no way it'll live up to what you hoped it would be.
Because what you're hoping is that there's still some semblance of love, still some connection holding you together. The same one that is willing you to send this text message to your ex right now.
If it's real, though, it's not transmitted by phone.
Step off the ledge. Remember that some things are better left unsaid and there will be time in the near future when you feel relief for never going through with it.
Think about what we discussed.
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