Female Maintenance: 13 Times Hygiene Is A Suggestion, Not A Rule
Being a female is far from easy, the maintenance involved is tiring, expensive and emotionally draining. Every day it's something new, whether it's in reference to your hair, your face or your body.
Things never even seem to get easier; actually, they get worse and worse as time goes on. The more time that passes, the more maintenance there is. It's a vicious cycle and a rough life, but someone's got to live it.
So what are the hardest parts about being a female?
1. Hair washing
I could make someone a nice wig with the hair I shed while washing, drying and straightening my hair. — chelsea. ✌ (@cmorgan24) November 10, 2014
Why we dread it: You have to dry that wet mop that sits atop your head; You have to find something to occupy you for three to five minutes while you let the conditioner settle in; The more you wash your hair, the more of your expensive hair products you must deplete
Window of acceptable time in between occurrences: Whenever it looks greasy
How to postpone the experience: Overdose on dry shampoo; Invest in a beanie
2. Showering
*showering* Not hot enough. *turns knob 1/16th of an inch* Satan himself pours out of the shower head and licks your back seductively. — AMANDA BYNES (@MsAmandaBynesxo) November 10, 2014
Why we dread it: You're freezing when you emerge; Because it doesn't matter if you wash your face beforehand, your mascara drips down your entire face
Window of acceptable time in between occurrences: Whatever you deem necessary around your schedule
How to postpone the experience: Invest in a lifetime supply of very strong perfume
3. Shaving
No Shave November, is a good excuse for being lazy and not shaving, I also participate in No Jogging July. — Ring By Spring (@ringbyspringlu) November 6, 2014
Why we dread it: You cut yourself; It takes forever; You always end up missing a spot
Window of acceptable time in between occurrences: However long it is between having sex or getting a pedicure (and even then it's questionable)
How to postpone the experience: Wear pants; Become celibate; Paint your own toenails
4. Washing your clothes
Relationship status: My washing machine doubles as my clothes hamper. — Vinny McSugarSchlong (@vinfury) November 9, 2014
Why we dread it: Who has two hours to dedicate to laundry?; You have to fold the clothes when they're clean
Window of acceptable time in between occurrences: Whenever you run out of underwear
How to postpone the experience: Buy new clothes
5. Washing your sheets
Washing my sheets always ends with me sleeping on a bare mattress with a naked pillow, covered in a quilt that was on the couch. — Rick (@rickkondell) July 22, 2014
Why we dread it: Have you ever tried putting a fitted sheet on by yourself?
Window of acceptable time in between occurrences: Whenever someone who is not you sleeps in your bed; If/when you spill ketchup/chips/salsa/guacamole on them
How to postpone the experience: Become celibate
6. Brushing your teeth
I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you cant have anymore food and im just never ready for that kind of commitment — haleigh brodeur (@HaleighFL_Baby) November 10, 2014
Why we dread it: It means you can't eat anymore until the next day
Window of acceptable time in between occurrences: If you never stop eating, you never have to brush your teeth
How to postpone the experience: Keep eating; Help yourself to another portion
7. Getting a manicure
I'll slide you that 20 if I see your manicure game is slippin. I'm here to help — Lil Jordan G (@Itsonlycocaine) November 7, 2014
Why we dread it: We can't use our phones for an entire 20 minutes; You pay to get made fun of in another language; You can't eat until it is completely dry
Window of acceptable time in between occurrences: Whenever it starts chipping (yes even if it's one nail)
How to postpone the experience: Take the plunge and go for a gel manicure
8. Hair brushing
I should probably start brushing my hair but ya know fawk it — Jordan (@Glitta_J) November 10, 2014
Why we dread it: It's an arm workout on its own; It hurts
Window of acceptable time in between occurrences: Whenever you begin to look homeless
How to postpone the experience: Shower (it's a vicious cycle)
9. Eyebrow waxing
That moment of suspense during an eyebrow waxing when the lady presses down the paper and waits a sec and u dont know when she gon pull — Oliviugh (@_i_cannot_even_) November 3, 2014
Why we dread it: It f*cking hurts; It never comes out the way you want it to
Window of acceptable time in between occurrences: When you begin to resemble Groucho Marx
How to postpone the experience: Teach yourself to tweeze like a pro
10. Removing your eye makeup
shout out to women who go hard on their eye makeup, you go through some pains to look your best. — MOvember (@TheHeatedMo) November 10, 2014
Why we dread it: It stings; It takes effort; You aren't sure which costs more money -- the remover or the actual mascara
Window of acceptable time in between occurrences: Whenever you can no longer pass the smudges off as an "on purpose" look
How to postpone the experience: Stop wearing eye makeup; Invent a new style; Get eyelash extensions
11. Washing your face
not washing my face for a day makes me feel like I belong in the ground like the gross lil bug that I am — ✖️teisha ♡ (@taysadoll) November 6, 2014
Why we dread it: It gets on your hairline and screws up your hair; Who likes being assaulted by water anywhere near the face and eyes?
Window of acceptable time in between occurrences: If you are on birth control: never; If you are not on birth control: twice, daily
How to postpone the experience: Never wear makeup; Get on birth control
12. Dying your hair
oh the struggle of wanting almost white blonde hair one day and jet black the next — pam (@onlinehunnie) November 2, 2014
Why we dread it: It takes a solid two (if not more) hours
Window of acceptable time in between occurrences: Whenever you have the unintentional ombre look going on
How to postpone the experience: For the sake of everyone who has to look at you... don't
13. Getting a haircut
One part of me really wants to get a hair cut and the other sides like " Are you stupid?! You'll hate it!" — Strive For More (@GirlForGod116) November 9, 2014
Why we dread it: There's a 50/50 chance you leave crying
Window of acceptable time in between occurrences: Hopefully: every six weeks; Realistically: when your hair is two different lengths on either side of your head
How to postpone the experience: Stop straightening it (ha!)
