Wondering if that guy who you finally slept with after three dates isn’t calling you because you sucked last night in bed? Don’t worry — the first time is rarely the best time (we’ll blame it on lots of play-it-safe missionary).
Now there is an app to help put your sexual performance fears at ease. It’s called “Spreadsheets,” and it measures how well you perform in bed through metrics such as duration, speed, rhythm and noise. So, it’s time to start shouting “Cum on my tits!” like you really mean it, ladies.
Spreadsheets specifically monitors the frequency of love-making, thrusts per minute (remind us to hit the squats later) and the peak number of decibels a person reaches while orgasm-ing.
Compelling research if you’re into that sort of kink. The app works by collecting data from a user’s movement and audio levels through a specialized accelerometer and microphone. We’re wondering if Spreadsheets could also be used for gauging other activities like: twerking intensity, sit-up power and dog-to-leg humping.
The real fun comes (no pun intended) in the form of a point system that gives you points for scoring with your significant other. For example, having morning sex will earn you ten points, while having sex that lasts 40 minutes will get you 15 points – better have the inhalers handy!
But is it really that simple? Is being good in bed synonymous with humping like you’re a jack rabbit or moaning like you’re raging at an Afrojack concert? Is Spreadsheets even a legitimate way to calculate sexual tenacity? What about faking an orgasm? If we really need an app to determine our sexual performance, there should be an app that can tell us the difference between a real and a phony climax.
To be honest, if you’re good in bed, then you probably already know it. And if you’re not, well then it will suck to have an app break the news.
Via Daily Mail