Forever Young: The Signs We Haven’t Grown Up And Never Want To

Forever Young: The Signs We Haven’t Grown Up And Never Want To
Women
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen to another one and only Tuesday!

For some of the more unfortunate victims of today’s wrath, you are dreading yours truly because it means you have a to-do list that now includes everything you neglected to accomplish since Saturday (i.e. food shopping, work, pilates).

Ironically, the most strung-out of us are actually looking forward to Monday because we have been so whipped, so defeated from yet another raucous weekend that we welcome being a person again. We haven’t exactly been behaving like humans in a while.

We aren’t on the fast track to growing up in this world. And we’re okay with it. If “Forever Young” worked for Bob Dylan and Jay Z, it can work for us too, right?

Hands permanently shaking from withdrawal? Sleep, caffeine or otherwise… YOLO! Just remembering meeting that guy from Saturday? …It’s only because you found his business card in your pocket. Feeling worse today than you did recovering on Sunday? You’re not alone.

We might not be anywhere closer to acting our age, but who says we need to?

Don’t ask us to give up cereal for dinner or “The Lion King” soundtrack in the shower. Here are the signs that we aren’t growing up anytime soon:

You haven’t heard what your real voice sounds like since 2008

Jennifer-Lawrence-Cough-GIF

Too many late nights and untreated cold seasons have left our voices permanently raspy like Sophia Bush. You rationalize the scratchiness by saying that it sounds sexy, when in reality, it sounds like our balls just dropped 10 octaves along with our vocal chords. You don’t have a pack-a-day habit? You could have fooled us!


You think microwave Trader Joe’s is gourmet

gourmet-sht

Maybe the state of your kitchen is too scary to bake in or maybe you don’t know how to ignite the stove. Does the soup count as home-cooked if it was made by our friend Amy?


You wear your underwear inside out because it was laundry day two days ago

nobody-cares

This is different from the times you wear it inside out not on purpose (which happens to the best of us, grown-up or not!). Laundry day is when we learn to get really crafty – sleep shirts double as tunics over leggings, cardigans from three years ago suddenly become in style again.


You’re using assorted paper goods as toilet paper

tumblr_maetypX5Yc1rdkmnho1_500

First it was the actual cardboard roll, now it’s on to the tissues and cotton balls. You still can’t get a dog because you can barely take care of yourself.


Taking out the trash means moving your bedroom garbage to the kitchen garbage

aESkSLN

Is it just us, or do you also feel a little anxiety when you throw out your trash into an overflowing can? Not like that will stop you from looking the other way…


“Scandal” is your version of current events

what-did-you-do

The show has everything you need to know about the fictitious country’s current state of affairs. So what if it’s not huge on foreign policy? That’s what “Downton Abbey” is for!


You can’t remember what you did when you left work Friday

What-just-happened

The sad part is it probably wasn’t anything that eventful, like feeding your cat or stopping by the clothing store, except the fact that you can’t remember it is what is troubling. You thought you only blacked out Friday night, not Friday.


You promise yourself you’ll “be healthy” this week

tumblr_ms18c4Tcsk1sd1mj1o1_500

After a weekend consumption of Chinese and fried food, you promise yourself this week you’ll start eating better. Your new diet consists of Cape Cod chip crumbs and lots of hot sauce.


You purchase books to become an intellectual, but only end up reading “The Hunger Games”

Elizabethtown-drew-claire-quotes-10

The intent was there! That’s what counts! And at least you’ll be able to compare and contrast the movie with the book better than your fourth grade “Pride and Prejudice” paper.


You lock yourself in your house because you can’t spend money, but this really turns into a $50 delivery tab

i-tried

Self-control was never your strong suit. Food is a necessity, so this type of spending doesn’t really count. Plus you don’t cook (see: above).


Your idea of culture is the pop kind

kim-kardashian-what-are-you-thoughts-on-mermaids

Antiquing is watching Freddie Prinze Jr. on repeat and becoming more cultured is listening to Macklemore on Spotify. Even though you have vague plans to check out the museum, exhibition, gallery or otherwise, AMC Loews and Netflix take precedence. It’s a different kind of art, okay?


You took a perfume shower this morning

tumblr_mea1wc5ByT1qc2bleo1_500

This goes hand-in-hand with asking your roommate if she has any extra baby powder. We’ll take a shower, just hold the water.


An early night means drinking at only one bar

Phaedra-Gif

Wow! Congrats! You still managed to stay out past 1 am, bought so many rounds you know the bartender’s life story and made out in the taxi ride home. You’ve really matured a lot since college.


Your shirt is 100% sniff test approved clean

Bh

Who cares if you took it from the floor? That means it has a least one extra wearing before it hits the hamper.


Your eyes are puffy and you can see your cheeks in your peripheral vision

tumblr_m6xkm1aAJs1rarteio1_500

The amount you really drank is starting to take visible effect on your face. Inside promise to cut back and not be so wild next week. Yeah, right.

Share Tweet
React
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Laura Argintar

Laura Argintar is a Senior Women's Editor at Elite Daily, comedienne and low-key science nerd. Listed among her achievements are performing stand-up throughout New York City, graduating with honors from the University of Michigan with a Bachelor of Science and being the first woman in history to twerk at a 2 Chainz concert. LARG – as her friends call her – enjoys covering women’s topics, watching celebrities self-destruct and rising to any occasion.

More In Women

Women Kylie McConville

Someone Thought A Bedazzled Kim And Kanye Sweater Was A Good Idea (Photo)

Here’s something we probably all should’ve seen coming: wearable Kimye fashions, inspired by the Duke and Duchess of Entertainment themselves. Debuting his new S/S 2015 collection earlier today at London Fashion Week, Ashish Gupta revealed just where he drew inspiration from for his bedazzled and bejeweled collection — and survey says: Kimye will probably love it. Ashish […]

Women Kylie McConville

6 Looks Every Girl Should Steal From Her Boyfriend’s Closet

Although there probably isn’t any science to back it up, there’s something about wearing somebody else’s clothes that makes you look – and feel – instantly better. When you’re tired of your own closet’s offerings, turning to a friend’s is an easy way to give your self-esteem a boost. One closet you probably haven’t ever […]

Women Laura Argintar

#AwkwardTurtle: 17 Times You Were An Absolutely Socially-Awkward Girl

What do you, Kristen Stewart and the kid picked last in kickball have in common? You’re all socially awkward. Welcome to the club. Don’t feel weird about it. It’s riding the bus with someone you don’t want to make small talk with. It’s having difficulty accepting compliments. It’s those moments in which we have no […]

Women Kathryn Kvas

Please Just Stop: 5 Feelings All Women Have When Harassed On The Street

The first few times you’re catcalled, it’s both funny and disgusting. Men leer at you with a hungry look that you find both complimentary and confusing.  You think, “Why are they shouting things at me?” And then, “Oh, that guy thinks I’m beautiful. Okay, that’s nice. I could get used to that.” After a few more […]

Also On Elite

Humor

Guys Reenact Another Hilarious Conversation Between Two Older Women (Video)

At the start of the summer, we posted a video featuring two 30-year-old guys lip-syncing conversations between two 60-year-old women. It’s a simple concept, which turned out to be hilarious, so I was thrilled to see they’d spent the past couple of months compiling new snippets. You wouldn’t think listening to middle-aged women talk about […]

Women

How We Might Actually Share Both Jeans And Genes With Our BFFs

Have you ever had a talk with your BFF about how he or she is considered “part of the family”? Well, your considerations may not be too farfetched. A study by the National Academy of Science in The United States suggests that you may have a similar, if not some of the same, DNA makeup […]

World

Inmate Posts Pictures To Facebook Smoking Weed And Drinking Inside Jail Cell (Photos)

An inmate of a Canadian jail has somehow been posting pictures on Facebook of himself smoking blunts and drinking cognac inside his cell. The caption of one photo reads, Xo and blunt living da jail life According to the Winnipeg Sun, Michael Simoneau-Meunier has bragged numerous times on social media about smuggling weed, $250 cognac and a […]

World

Pakistan Army Has Finally Arrested Taliban Militants Who Tried To Kill Malala Yousafzai

Pakistan’s army claims that Taliban militants behind the shooting of teenage activist Malala Yousafzai in 2012 have been arrested. Malala, 17, was targeted for campaigning for women’s education rights and miraculously survived after she was shot through her left eye socket on a school bus. The Taliban took responsibility for the October 9 shooting shortly […]