From Women To Men: This Is How You Scare Us Away
We're always hearing about all the things that girls do to scare guys away. The majority of dating advice out there regards what women should and shouldn't do when it comes to dating and hooking up: don't argue, dress a certain way, don't make him pay, make sure he pays, have sex with him, but not too early, but don't wait too long either, blah blah f*cking blah.
As much as I'm sick of hearing all this sh*t, I feel bad that men don't have a guideline as to what they should be doing. What about the laundry list of things men do that scares US away? I think it's time we made THAT list from women to men, for everyone's sake. This isn't an attack. I'd like to call it honest advice that will at least help us to better understand each other.
Triple texting her
If she doesn't answer you the first time, it means one of two things: she doesn't ever want to answer you or she's busy and will answer you when she wants to. The double text is just going to bother her, and the triple text is going to make her think you have social issues. The worst offense is when he sends the same text twice, as if something went wrong with the connection. Newsflash: it's 2013. Wireless connection isn't an issue anymore. She got your text.
Calling her out
It's not right if you've been hooking up with a girl for a week and feel comfortable enough to call her out on her flaws. Nobody is perfect. Unless you're her long-term boyfriend, or she did something that directly involves you, leave it to her close friends and family to call her out on her bullsh*t. It's going to freak her out to have yet another person reminding her of her flaws that she’s already aware of.
Telling her what to wear
As we've mentioned before, a girl is not your agent nor your governor. It is not her job to represent you. Therefore, what she wears is her own prerogative. If you don't like how she dresses, either swallow your pride or pursue someone else if it bothers you that much. If you are her boyfriend, it is okay to make constructive suggestions. Let's be honest, women do it to men as well. Learn the difference between suggesting something and being insulting or controlling.
Talking sh*t about her friends
Just as much as you love your boys, she loves her girls. Talking sh*t about her friends is a sign that you don't respect her. Her friends were in her life before you were and will probably be there after you're gone, so watch what you say about them. If a girl vents about her friend to you, it doesn't give you the right to hate on that friend. Be there for her, she just needs an objective person to listen to and to agree with her.
Pressuring her to hang out
If you've hooked up with a girl a few times, don't pressure her to spend time with you. She has her own life. If she just met you, she doesn't have much incentive to ditch her friends to chill with you. If and when a girl wants to spend time with you, you will know. How? She will either accept your offer to hang out the first time or she will bring it up herself (if she's confident enough.)
If she rejects your offer to hang out because she had prior plans, she will make sure it happens another time. If not, she genuinely does not want to hang out with you. The more you pressure her, the less desire she'll have to see you…until eventually she literally has to run away from you in public.
Suffocating her in public
This is a big one. Even if a girl is into you, it doesn't mean that she wants to be on top of you every minute in public. If she pulls away when you grab her hand, it means she's not ready to hold hands in public yet. If you're out and she’s not attached to your hip every second, let it be. She had her own social life before you, it hasn’t gone away.
This will freak her out just as much as it freaks you out when a girl follows you around. You're both better off socializing without breathing down each other’s necks. It doesn't mean she's trying to get with someone else, it just means that she wants to have fun with her friends. It's fun to spend time with each other while you're out, but not the whole time.
Being high every second
Most of us love to blaze, but there is a difference between blazing socially or to blow off some steam after work and being high all the f*cking time. We don't want to deal with someone who is never functioning. When it becomes a lifestyle, it also becomes unattractive to most women.
Having no ambition
Just as men are attracted to women who have goals and ambitions, women are also more attracted to men who give a sh*t about their success. It is one thing to “live in the moment” and another thing to forget that you have a future ahead of you to take care of. This shouldn't be confused for gold-digging. We don't need financial security anymore. We just don't want to date someone with no self-motivation.
Having sex for yourself
This is the worst. So many men are so focused on the end goal and forget that when it comes to sex for women, it’s all about how it gets done, not if it gets done. In other words, don't rush it. You finish no matter what, but the girl doesn't. While in the short-term it may be easier and more beneficial for you, it will screw you over in the long run. If you suck in bed, nobody will want to sleep with you. Remember: women talk. It's easy to get a bad reputation. Also, don't assume that you know what you're doing. Just because you're trying doesn't mean it's working.
It's the biggest turn off when a guy puts on a front for a girl (specifically around his friends). Whether you think that you'll impress her or you just think you seem cool, you're wrong. A girl can tell when you're not being yourself and it just makes you look insecure. Don't be like the rest of them. There are plenty of guys that are just like the next one. She'll forget about you.
Take baby steps
Guys love taking it from 0-100. One minute you're casually hooking up and the next minute you want to be in a full-blown relationship. While a girl will appreciate the gesture to want to commit if she's into you, you can't spring it on her out of nowhere. If you treat her like a sidepiece, then that's how she'll think of you. Taking it slowly doesn't mean sporadically hooking up with a girl whenever the f*ck you want and then randomly deciding you want a relationship. Start from the bottom and use baby steps to improve your relationship with her until you get to that level; that way you'll both be on the same page when you want to commit.