Why Good Girls Have Become Unicorns: A Response From A Unicorn
Indeed, it is a very strange world. I have just discovered my life choices have categorized me as a unicorn. I've never tried any illegal substances, had my first drink at 23, feel guilty for forgetting to say thank you to someone holding the door for me for days, and I'm a 24-year-old virgin.
Although I had self-esteem issues with my body when I was younger, I was never without people telling me I was pretty. Now that I'm secure in my identity, I've noticed a sharp uptick in overt male attention.
So why am I a unicorn? And why are there so few like me? I do agree with your assertion that women have changed, Mr. Waters. However, I contest your assertion that it's because we've “lost all respect for [ourselves].”
In the bygone eras in which your only hope of gaining social status was through marriage, holding onto your chastity was not a symptom of holding yourself in high esteem. It was your only option if you didn't want to have to sell your body for food and shelter.
In a time where we can make our own money and have the option to marry for love, we're in the awkward transition phase of discovering our new place in the world. We don't have to be a pious maiden or a disposable whore; we make our own destiny. It takes a while for a new normal to find itself.
In this vein, you have asserted that women have “become broken.” Women have always been broken; you're just witnessing our messy attempts to reassemble the pieces. Our struggles were once secret and silent; you've only just noticed because our changing sexual habits are now affecting you and your dick.
I became aware of this article because a former male classmate of mine posted it on his Facebook page. He is, in fact, one of the “idiots” to blame for the lack of women that are “settling down material,” so to speak. He would proudly proclaim the amount of easy ladies he's boned, but a few minutes later would complain that he couldn't find a nice girl with substance.
In truth, he could find a nice girl, but what he fails to recognize is that nice girls don't just respect themselves; they also respect other women. I don't care how much casual sex a girl is having, if a man disrespects her and I know about it, he will be relegated to the never category.
So why am I really a unicorn? The truth is, male attention makes me uncomfortable. I'm just as damaged as the girl who sleeps with a different man every night; I just reacted to my trauma differently. When I was a little girl, I witnessed my mother fight off a sexual assault from her partner at the time. Before I knew what sex really even was, my first association was a violent man.
This trauma went dormant in my psyche for a long time because I was too young to process it. Then puberty came. My male counterparts transitioned from boys to men in front of my eyes and our relationships suddenly changed. They started to look at me differently, and they were no longer my friends; they were potential dangers I had to defend myself against.
Now, I'm certainly not a man-hater. I love men. That was part of the problem. The fact I was starting to have this mutual sexual attraction to men made it worse for me. Without being able to articulate my feelings even to myself, I didn't trust myself to pick the right man, so I picked none of them.
When I was 18, I finally took a chance. He was kind, respectful, generous and handsome. He also opened Pandora's box because he touched me. After dating for a while, he gently put his hand over my jeans while kissing me.
I cried for days. He thought I'd been molested as a child. Honestly, maybe I was and don't remember. The night I witnessed my mother's sexual assault, that same man tried to strangle his father to death. I have no memory of that part of the evening.
The reason I'm getting so personal is to try to illustrate the futility of categorizing good girls as unicorns. We aren't magical, ethereal beings. We reacted to all of the same horribly negative sh*t that “bad girls” do. But instead of trying desperately to seek men's approval through sex, we reject them completely.
Praising us as unicorns doesn't help us get over our issues. It just encourages our unhealthy behavior and makes us feel like we have to live up to some perfect ideal. I went to a gynecologist for the first time recently. It was horrible enough to be naked with your feet in stirrups, but she kept praising me for being a virgin, so much so, it made me start to question my healthy advancement in my views towards my sexuality.
I'm ready now. I will have sex when I find a connection with a man worthy of my respect. As it turns out, those are the real unicorns.
Over the years I've come to learn that men are just as damaged as women. They started out sweet and caring, but then someone breaks their hearts. Their parents broke them by telling them they weren't masculine enough, their first loves broke them by cheating on them. These men then become quick pleasure junkies because a one-night stand can't break your heart. It's a never-ending cycle of broken people, creating more broken people.
So men, there's no such thing as a woman who doesn't care about anything. If the girl you're chasing “refuses to give a f*ck,” it's because she doesn't give a f*ck about you. If you just want sex, that's fine. Just don't complain that all women are manipulative bitches afterwards. Have some respect for yourself to begin with; you deserve more, too.
People attract people that are like themselves. If you are a mess, you will attract a mess. If you are a shallow sex hound, you will attract shallow sex hounds. If you want a unicorn, you need to be a unicorn. Respect yourself and you will be able to find a woman that you can respect.
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