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Dare To Be Funny: You Don’t Have To Dress ‘Sexy’ To Be Sexy On Halloween

Sexy bunny, naughty police office and slutty nurse, you had a great run. You were there for me in those early college days when freshman year meant dressing as much like a hoe as I could get away with while still looking good under the fluorescent lighting of the dorm hallway.

I took the pictures, felt the stares and enjoyed the attention that came with dressing up like the fantasy of every guy who dreamt of being felt up by a slutty Disney princess.

It was great. I used you for about two more years until I matured to that point when I no longer could wear crop tops and booty shorts in the club without feeling like my Dad was going to show up.

It got to the point when I realized I wanted to have a conversation at a party, not just a shot contest to see how drunk my partner could make the slutty cop. Let's just say, I got to a point where it all got very old.

So, what's a gal to do when she wants to look neither slutty nor frumpy on Halloween? What's she supposed to dress up as that's not overbearing or hyper-sexualized? What will get her the kind of attention she wants that's not associated with bare midriffs and sea-shell bras?

I wanted a different kind of attention. I wanted the kind of attention that spurred intellectual stimulation. I wanted the kind of admiration I now sought from a man: respect.

I wanted to make a man laugh and ask about my costume in a way that didn't involve asking if Jasmine wanted to “rub his lamp.”

But it’s so easy to be slutty nurse. It's so much easier to tear off some fabric from a child-sized Sleeping Beauty costume than it is to think of something original and witty. It’s so much easier to be admired and adored than it is to make someone laugh through sheer irony.

And that’s it: Staring at us through the cheap plastic bags and overpriced makeup is the struggle of every woman. It's easy to be the slutty nurse, but a lot harder to be that girl with an original costume and a sense of individuality.

Do we dare take the chance to not be the center of attention and hope someone appreciates us for a costume that doesn't make us look desirable and hot? Do we dare throw away our sexuality for something greater? I guess it all depends: What are you looking for this Halloween? 
What kind of woman do you want to be? The sexy kitten or the witty ceiling fan?

Wit is always better than tit.

We're now at an age when any woman can bare her chest. We all have the goods and we can all expose them if we want to. It's no longer junior high where only some lucky early bloomers have the distinct advantage of busty necklines. Now, showing off just means you want something.

Wit, on the other hand, is not something every woman can bare. It's not something that every woman can proudly put on display to make heads turn. It's not something that can be modified with knives and silicon. It's real and genuine every time and it will get you attention.


You want to be hit on for your cleverness, not your cleavage.

Do you want the guy who’s talking to you because you can fulfill his lifelong fantasy of sleeping with Princess Leia or because he’s genuinely interested in the story behind your costume? Do you want to be hit on for the way you positioned your cleavage or for your creativity?

There comes a time when you have to decide what kind of attention you want and what kind of man you want hitting on you. Because there is a difference between the guy who hits on the sexy cop and the guy who hits on the girl whose costume the other guy didn't even understand.


People are more likely to make comments on your costume rather than your ass.

Yet again, it comes down to what kind of attention you want. Are you at the point of your life where you are more comfortable being stared at than talked to? Would you rather have a conversation or have a staring contest? Do you get excited over stimulating arguments or comments on how good your ass looks?

Nothing is wrong with either choice, it’s all about what you want.


Because every other girl is the slutty nurse.

You don't need to show leg to get a leg up on the competition. You aren't just another public service worker with garters and pouty red lips.

You aren't going to get lost in the sea of fishnets and stilettos. You stand out without having to stand on a table and pour shots in your mouth. You stand out without having to hike your dress up and flash some sexy pose.

You are an individual, a leader, a witty breath of fresh air in a sea of Victoria's Secret perfume and pushup bras.

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It

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Lauren Martin

Freelance Contributor

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