We’re damned if we do, and we’re damned if we don’t… so let’s just say we didn’t try.
Isn’t that how it is, ladies? When it comes to living, loving and learning, we’re supposed to be effortless. Every move, every thought and every outfit is supposed to be on a whim — a cool, unthoughtful, undesigned plan.
But why? We think about everything and overthink about everything else, so why is it so bad to say we tried? Why is it so wrong to say we planned that outfit and wore those heels because they looked good. What’s so wrong with admitting we like to look our best and enjoy dressing up? What’s the matter with working hard and making plans? What's so wrong with trying?
We’re stuck in this cocoon of downplay and minimization, and it’s exhausting.
It’s more effort to explain how little effort we put into something. Why can’t we just say we wanted to dress up today? Why can’t we just admit we like to wear makeup because it makes us feel good? Why can’t we just stop explaining ourselves?
Because that’s the real issue, isn’t it? Everyone judging every goddamn move we make.
Everyone being so concerned with why we’re doing this and not doing that. Everyone commenting on every choice and every action we make in our own lives.
Nothing is wrong with wanting to look good. Nothing is wrong with wearing makeup. Nothing is wrong with dressing up for your boyfriend. So why keep shaming it?
Why not just say this is our life, and we have the right to try as much as we have the right not to.
It’s okay to accept a compliment
Women think admitting to a compliment is like admitting they know they look good. But isn’t that why you dressed up? Isn’t that why you wore that dress? Because you like it? If other people say they like it, it’s okay to agree. It’s okay to say thank you. It’s okay to admit you tried and to accept the benefits of your effort.
It’s okay to dress up for yourself
What’s wrong with saying you dressed up because you wanted to look good today? Why should you feel ashamed for looking nice? Why make up an excuse because you decided not to wear jeans? Why is it anyone's business as to why you wore a skirt or a silk blouse?
It’s okay to be eccentric and loud and dress for yourself. It’s okay to change your style without having to change your excuse.
It’s okay to dress up for other people
It’s okay to tell your boyfriend you wore that dress for him. It’s okay to put on your nice pajamas because he’s coming over. It’s okay to want to look good for other people — it’s not a crime. Yes, you should dress for yourself, but who said you also can’t dress for others?
It’s not demeaning to want to look good for others — just never let their opinion ruin your own.
It’s okay to take work seriously
When women stay late, they’re intense. When men stay late, they’re motivated. We have the same amount of drive as men, so why shouldn’t we have the same amount of tenacity? Women shouldn’t have to make excuses as to why they come to work early, stay late and play the game. We want to be the boss just as much as any man.
As soon as we stop pretending we’re not trying, the sooner we’ll see the competition stiffen.
It’s okay to indulge
You’re allowed to spend $30 on a mani-pedi if it makes you feel good, and you’re definitely allowed to tell people. If you like spending $4 on a latte from your favorite coffee spot, leave it at that. You don’t need to say you’re treating yourself, or you had a rough morning.
You spend your money the way that makes you happy, and you never should have to pretend you don’t know what you’re doing.
It’s okay to go extreme
If you try black lipstick because you think it will look good on you, leave it at that. If people ask you why you’re wearing it or make a joke, don’t indulge them with a tired excuse. You deliberately tried something new, so don’t act like you don't know what you're doing. When you make a decision, stick by it.
Don’t let everyone stick their bullsh*t all over it.
It’s okay to want to look good
If you got up at 5 am to go the gym for the past month, don’t deny that effort with a lame “oh, nothing really” when people ask what’s different. You earned that compliment, and you earned that success.
Don’t be ashamed to tell people you work hard. Because people won’t shame you for going to the gym; they’ll shame themselves for not being able to wake up at 5 am.
It’s okay to say you tried
Trying means being in control – of yourself and your actions. Pretending like everything happened by whim or accident is giving up your power. Don’t be scared to look people in the eye and tell them exactly what you did and why you did.
Then again, don't be scared to look them in the eye and tell them nothing.
