Disclaimer: For those of you who were hoping this was an article about actual man butts, I'm sorry to disappoint. While those are also cause for celebration, today we're talking about the Jared Leto-esque hairstyle spreading across men’s heads everywhere: the proliferation of the man bun.
I don't particularly enjoy going to the gym. Feeling sticky and out of breath has never been a pleasant experience for me. But, I have finally found the ultimate motivator in getting me to work out and take my mind off wanting to give up: the plethora of man-bun sightings.
There are a few choice things in this world that men can do in order to really send a woman over the edge.
We've discussed in depth the glory of facial hair (which definitely has roots in the long-hair phenomenon), and there's always the men-in-henley's charm, but one of the most powerful forms of female arousal comes from the man bun.
The style is an effortlessly undone sexy mixed with primal virility. It's the rugged, tousled appeal that dates back to the Heath Ledger of “10 Things I Hate About You” times.
It’s got the red carpet upgrade juxtaposed with the manliest of cavemen. We want it. We need it. We want to run our fingers through it and then tie it back up again.
I remember my first encounter with the man bun like it was yesterday. I had enrolled in a new yoga school and the male instructor happened to be fond of the style (more for its practicality than the trend, I'm assuming).
He wore hip-slung harem pants that I may or may not have also owned, and I must admit I didn't find him the least bit attractive save for his hair. It seemed to fit with his laid-back yogi aura.
Like the sweaty, barefoot classroom, the bun felt dirty. In a good way. It was the very thing about him that seduced me and yet turned me off at the same time. Was it slick? Did he wash it? What would happen if I pulled the elastic and let it fall in a mess of chi-blessed locks?
That’s the thing about man buns: They get you started on imagining things and scenarios that you never previously contemplated. Like, would there be hair-pulling from both parties in intimate moments? (Yes.) Would he be insulted if I complimented it? (No.) Would it be cute if we washed our hair together and then exchanged info about styling products? (Too far.)
I was hooked. Soon, spotting men with buns became a kind of treat, a fun game, like “punch buggy, no punch backs!” except no dead-arm, just dead-stares.
Oh man buns, you don't even know the influence you have over women like me. You've got it under control and yet you're coming undone with the perfect wisps of hair. We, ladies, can't look away.
My yoga center recently followed up for a customer satisfaction survey. I had abruptly stopped attending classes (not attributable to the Man Bun) and, like a demanding ex-boyfriend, the front desk wanted to know why.
“It's not particularly challenging,” I shrugged over the phone.
“Were there any aspects that you enjoyed?” asked an overly chipper woman for someone who stared at stretch pants all day.
Not one to offend I responded, “Well, your classes have some great buns.”
Let's get tangled up in top-knots, shall we? Here's why we love man buns:
1. They look great in the morning
One cup of coffee and a side of bed head? Yes, please!
2. They make you look instantly artsy
Man bun is the new X-Pro II.
3. They’re a killer rainy day look
Raincoat optional. Man bun, necessary.
4. They’re the perfect hybrid of casual and classic
A chignon is timeless, really.
5. Did we mention they’re super male-chic?
Totally making a statement in the best way possible.
6. You can scale walls with them
Photo: E. Arata – Reshes.
Man buns have superhero-like effects on us.
7. They’re symbolic of a luxurious lifestyle
Harry Styles wears them in Milan. How do you pimp your bun?
8. They give you an instant halo
All man buns go to heaven.
9. They can upgrade any pose
Where do we sign up?
10. They make landscapes more interesting to admire
Photo: E. Arata – Reshes.
11. They legitimize bike riding as a sport
Photo: E. Arata – Reshes.
Helmut hair? Never.
12. They work timelessly with sunglasses
Seriously, is there a more perfect way to accessorize a man bun?
13. They can even make cartoons turn you on
We never thought this day would come. Literally.
14. They’re DILF-worthy
Baby daddy buns! Baby daddy buns!
15. These buns are smoking hot
“Twice the taste in half the time for the guy on the go.” It’s the Heather Mooney of man buns.
16. They’re sooo meta
Photographers with man buns taking photographs of photographers with man buns. Twisted, in more ways than one.
17. Buns of steel will always be a thing
Guns’n’buns! There’s something for everyone.
18. They’re even cuter when accompanied by puppies
We die. We actually literally can’t even just die.
19. They’re the greatest reason not to get dressed today
Let’s stay in bed and play with each other’s hair!
20. There’s the beach bun
You can go shave your back now.
Photos Courtesy: Tumblr
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