Ladies, we love complaining, there’s no doubt about it. If there were an Olympics for complaining, I would probably take the gold, bronze and silver medal.
It doesn’t matter if it’s day, noon or night, if we are awake, there’s a solid chance we’re complaining about something — whether it’s to ourselves, in our heads or to whomever is willing to listen.
Isn’t this the reason there is such a demand for psychologists? So we can pay people to listen to our issues and complaints no matter how big or small? That’s not right, is it? Sh*t…
23. Ryan Gosling is a dad
Well, f*ck us… Despite the fact that no one actually realized that Eva Mendes was pregnant for the first seven months, our beloved Gosling has entered the DILF club, as they welcomed a baby girl into their family.
Now all of our hopes and dreams have been crushed as we must find another celeb to crush on. Hey, Michael Ealy, if you’re reading this: Hit me up (see below).
22. My manicure just chipped
I’m glad I wasted my lunch break and $12 on a manicure that just chipped before I could even go out. WTF am I supposed to do now? Ugh.
21. I have the worst cramps
Everything hurts and I’m dying. No, seriously, I’m dying. Whose got the Midol?
20. Ugh, I have to shave
Shaving isn’t that bad if you are already in the shower. But trying to do it half in/half out is a challenge in and of itself. The worst part? It always results in razor burn.
19. This is the worst haircut I’ve ever gotten
Thank God for this little invention called extensions because, if not, I’d probably still be crying in a heap on my bedroom floor. Getting a sh*tty haircut is one of the worst things that could happen because you will be stuck waiting years for that hair to grow back.
18. WAH! My feet hurt
Why do we have to wear high heels? Who decided this was the proper social attire? Please tell me so I can hunt that man down and kill him.
17. An Elite Daily article told me my boyfriend is cheating on me
OMG! Every single one of my suspicions has been encompassed on this numerated list. It must be true…
16. Why isn’t he answering me?
Is he dead? I don’t understand? He has his phone in his hand 100 percent of the time, what is this bullsh*t?
15. My SoulCycle teacher is pregnant
Now I’ll actually have to motivate MYSELF? Yeah, right, like that’s ever going to happen. I’ll just lie in a pile of my own misery, tears and take-out Chinese food.
14. Why didn’t you like my picture on Instagram?
If you are a good friend, you will like every single damn sunset I upload. I don’t care if you don’t really like it — let’s be serious, that’s irrelevant when it comes to Instagram.
13. WTF! My boss is being a bitch for no reason
Oh, but there is always a reason, you just don’t know what it is. Keep that smile plastered on your face and remember never to let them see you sweat.
12. I have too many clothes and nothing to wear
Friday and Saturday nights are an epic challenge when it’s time to dress for the night. Despite having spent the last few weekends going shopping, you still seem to have absolutely nothing to wear. What ends up happening? You just wear a different version of whatever it was you chose last weekend.
11. My friend is being such a pain in the ass right now
Why does it feel like this always seems to happen at the most inopportune times? This only amplifies if drinking is involved and let’s be real — when is it not?
10. There are no diet chasers at this pregame
I bet you really regret not throwing a Crystal Light packet in your purse right about now? If someone is providing you entertainment and alcohol, the least you could do is provide your own chaser instead of complaining… just kidding, we’ll still complain.
9. Instagram isn’t working!!!
Someone call 911. No, seriously, what am I supposed to do to pass the time? You mean actually… speak to people? God forbid.
8. It’s that time of the month… waxing
Sure, people may question why we voluntarily put ourselves through this kind of torture, but once the deed is done, it’s more than worth it. Thank God we only need to come back on a monthly basis because I’m not sure we could handle much more.
7. I have to wash my hair
Shampoo… conditioner… insert four-plus products… blow dry… why does this take upwards of two hours?
6. It’s the worst time of the day… SHOWER TIME
But I don’t want to. It’s cold in there. I feel vulnerable and exposed. I just would rather curl up in a ball of dirt in my bed and push this off another day. *Crawls to shower*
5. I’m three f*cking weeks late
One week, I understand… two weeks, I’ve been stressed — but three?! That’s a whole other set of worries. You basically must backtrack your entire sex life for the past two months. See ya on “Maury”!
4. I have my f*cking period
Great, spoke too soon. Why can’t mother nature just leave a little post-it on the bathroom mirror that reads: “NOT PREGNANT”? Is that so much to ask for?
3. Why is no one hitting on me?
I showered, I shaved and I washed my hair — yet the only person talking to me is my best girl friend who accompanied me to the bar. What a waste of time, effort and makeup. Ugh, Netflix I’m coming home for you.
2. I haven’t had sex since 2008
1. I hate packing
Does packing ever, ever get easier when you are a female? There’s no way to just pack for each “occasion,” you need back up! And you know what? That back up needs a back-up option. Overpack: it’s why suitcases have wheels.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It
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