The 20 Reasons Every Girl Is Completely Over Her 20s

I’ve never thought of myself as an old soul, but I’m beginning to think that I wasn’t meant to be living a 20-something life.

For all the glory of your twenties -- being able to selfishly indulge without major commitments tying you down (uhh, does this include trying ombre hair?) -- there is also an overwhelming amount of misery, lack of stability and self-doubt.

The thing about our twenties is that we’re supposed to be finding who we are, loving the journey and embracing that newfound sense of self with open arms and rainbows and fully legged dogs. Yet, the reality is that we don’t change; we just become more of ourselves. Case in point: I was a drinker in college and now I’m a questionably full-blown alcoholic.

Maybe being in your twenties isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. We’re told to wild out on spontaneous adventures, but still maintain a steady job. We’re expected to find our soul mate, but we’re feeling the most alone we’ll ever be. It’s like we’re caught between having the utmost freedom, yet unable to actually seize it.

It’s potentials and false opportunities and disillusionments and riding the wave until at long last we’ve crashed into shore. But no one tells you about that part.

This age is also really unhealthy, and I have the slight suspicion this 20-something lifestyle is stifling our mental apex. It’s late nights at the office, the club… that guy’s apartment. It’s keeping up with the trends, the pace, the technology, the speed, the up and up. We drink; we cleanse. We rage; we repeat.

There’s no doubt about it: Our twenties are loaded with junk and artificial bullsh*t. Where’s the gluten-free version of this lifestyle?

There comes a point when you’ve just grown up, grown out of it, and are finally ready to move on to the next chapter of your life where you’re taken seriously and your concerns are real.

We’re done being in this limbo of adulthood responsibilities and young and reckless attitudes. Here are 20 reasons why we’re over our twenties:

1. We’re perennially poor and spending money on the wrong things. So maybe we really didn’t need that extra candle or rouge lipstick, but we had to buy it for our mental health’s sake.

2. Cleavage, mini skirts and lycra dresses are no longer appealing. Then again, neither are our stiff work clothes.

3. Flirting has become tedious. Let’s just cut to the chase: Do we like each other and are we going to see each other naked in the near future?

4. That particular brand of 20-something gloom in which you want to act like a child but your age and the fact that you have to pay for therapy don’t allow for it.

5. We don’t care about what’s the latest, nor feel the need to partake in it. Namely: juicing, blown-up music festivals and all-natural-everything.

6. Casual dating turns into a marriage timeline, even though we can't afford all these weddings, anyway.

7. Finding your dream job means perpetually starting over from the bottom. And when you’re suspended at the entry-level, you reluctantly fall back on your parents.

8. The lack of balance in literally every facet of our lives: love, family, work, play and health.

9. Everyone is an entrepreneur or something super-more successful than you at a way younger age. You can’t help but feel lazy when you hear about another Silicon Valley kid making it big.

10. The days of compulsively uploading on Facebook and updating statuses on Twitter have fizzled out. When our days are jam-packed with spin classes and meetings and coffee dates, there’s no time to see if Cynthia got those special Oreos from 7-11.

11. You’re ready to purge your phonebook of extraneous acquaintances, but you’re still obligated to be friendly. It’s only been a few years since college, which means you can’t pretend like you don’t remember your Biochem partner. The stop-and-chat is a painful requirement on the 20-something itinerary.

12. The vacation days we can’t afford to take, assuming our bosses wouldn’t chop our heads off for even asking for time off. Despite working harder than ever, we still haven’t earned them yet.

13. We’d rather be cozy at home than fighting frizz and bouncers while waiting outside a club.

14. The luxury of taking care of yourself and making your own choices has lost its allure. It’d be nice for someone to look after us every once in a while. These are the weekends you return home in a moment of weakness.

15. Post-21 birthdays are a slew of depressing ones. Twenty-two is for the blues. Nobody likes you when you’re 23, and 24 you might as well not even celebrate.

16. Constantly having a ruined phone, outfit or ego because you thought you could handle your liquor better.

17. Roommates are your new family, except they won’t love you unconditionally when you clog the shower with hair or lock yourself out at 4 am.

18. We’re tired of being society’s whipping post: unpaid internships, skyrocketing student loans and impossible paperwork to rent an apartment.

19. The bodily changes that occur when your insides are under attack from excess alcohol, junk and sugar substitutes.

20. Lists like this.

Top Photo Courtesy: We Heart It