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The Science of Attraction: Why Bad Boys Are Still Kryptonite For Women

If you ask 100 girls what they're looking for in their perfect guy, most of their answers will probably be similar.

They'll say they want a gentlemen who is kind, intelligent, loyal, caring and who possesses certain physical standards.

It's hard to argue that these aren't positive qualities we should all expect a present or future partner to have.

But, I'd bet 99 of these girls still would have dated guys who don't fit this criteria. A similar percentage probably would have discounted partners who do tick all the boxes.

So, what's going on here? Why don't women necessarily want what's good for them? Why are so many sexy, confident girls sleeping with assh*les?

Feminine energy responds to emotions, not logic

The answer might lie in biology.

All humans have certain levels of both masculine energy and feminine energy flowing through them. Most men have more masculine energy, which centers on logic, reasoning and long-term goals.

Most females have more feminine energy, which responds less to logic and more to the emotions of the present moment.

The inner feminine is naturally drawn to situations that stimulate the emotions. It could be joy, pleasure, drama or dilemmas — the bigger range of emotions, the better.

This is why women tend to be better at expressing their emotions, and it's one of the reasons why their moods swing from moment to moment.

It's also why women don't crave the “sweet gentleman.” The caring guy who gives compliments and buys gifts is clearly a great catch, but he's too one-dimensional to even stroke the surface of the inner feminine.

Conversely, the cocksure Casanova who creates drama, doesn't care for anyone and should be undesirable always gets the girl.

He interests the inner feminine far more by unleashing the full range of female emotions.

It's a natural attraction, which is a far stronger feeling than logic for the majority of ladies.


Nice guys are a dime-a-dozen

It's a fantastic thing that nice guys are in such plentiful supply. Yet, just like anything that appears in abundance, nice guys tend to be taken for granted.

Nice guys surround the gorgeous girl. She probably knows dozens of dudes who would shower her with gifts, and she could settle down with one of those types at any time.

It's no surprise she always notices the “assh*le” who's still a bit selfish around her. The guy who says what he wants and puts himself before her is far scarcer. Thus, he's far more interesting and most importantly, he's not afraid to be himself.

It's not necessarily the behavior of an eligible bachelor, but the fact that he'll stand out from the crowd that is essential in getting a girl's attention.


We never want what's good for us

It's a sad paradox, but most of what's bad for us feels really good during moments of indulgence.

For the female, the smooth, sexy jerk is just like that second slice of cheesecake or the cigarette before bed.

She's well aware that she shouldn't engage, but sometimes it's too difficult to resist. She knows it's the wrong choice, but that's almost makes her want him more.

Rebelliousness helps her release stress and adrenaline, and she feels a sense of freedom. Add in sexual attraction, and that's one hell of an addictive emotional cocktail. No wonder some chicks can't help but go back to the bad boy.

Of course, whether he leaves, cheats or treats her terribly, it'll eventually end in tears.


We learn we deserve better

Thankfully, as we get older, we get to know ourselves better. We become stronger. Our goals become clearer.

We're still attracted to the macho assh*le, but our ultimate aim of a purposeful relationship with a reliable partner becomes the priority.

These assh*les who stimulate our emotions in all the wrong ways won't be worth it anymore. It takes a certain maturity to make this decision, and it doesn't normally happen until the right guy reveals himself.

As with any great love story, the good guy will always win in the end, and you'll be glad that he did.

Having dated assh*les in the past, you'll appreciate him so much more. You'll love the little gestures of affection. You'll notice how he only ever has eyes for you. You'll wonder why you waited so long for the love and devotion you deserve.

Most importantly, you'll have no hesitation in dumping the assh*les exactly where they belong: Behind you.

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Joe Elvin

Contributor

Joe Elvin writes dating advice for www.thelondondater.co.uk - the website which sends unique, fun London date ideas straight to your inbox every Monday.
Joe Elvin writes dating advice for www.thelondondater.co.uk - the website which sends unique, fun London date ideas straight to your inbox every Monday.

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