The Science Of Your Vagina: How To Change What It Tastes Like Down There
Let’s get real about vaginas for a minute. It’s hard not to get a bit self-conscious about the way we “smell” and “taste” down there, and there’s enough literature to vagina-shame us back to the Middle Ages.
Should it be so surprising your lady parts take on the same kind of destructive kind of folklore? We all hear the awkward colloquialisms about vaginas and what they taste like. Does something seem “fishy”? Hmm? Let’s debunk the bullsh*t, shall we?
The thing about vaginas is, barring bacterial infections, they smell like only one thing: vaginas. It’s the way nature intended. Your SO likes the way your vagina smells because his hormones are telling him to get up in there and put some babies in your belly.
If men didn’t like the way vaginas smelled, why would they want anything to do with them? It’s just logical.
According to Sexuality Expert, Cory Silverberg, the taste of a woman’s vagina will vary based on a number of things including natural bodily secretions, arousal fluids (e.g. when a woman becomes wet during foreplay), sweat and diet.
The way your vagina tastes and smells is directly connected to its pH balance, as the ecosystem of your muff is somewhat of a nature much like a rainforest.
If something tastes off, it’s likely your pH balance is off. As Dr. Mary Rosser, OB/GYN at Montefiore Medical Center New York told Women’s Health Magazine:
Healthy vaginas have a naturally acidic pH, as well as a host of healthy bacteria that ward off infections and keep everything humming along as designed.
If you’re majorly concerned about your taste and are pretty damn positive something is off, you should probably talk to a doctor.
What exactly does a “normal” vagina taste like, anyway?
MyVag.com has what I would consider a pretty damn-near accurate description of the taste of lady bits:
The taste of a vagina comes mostly from the fluids in it, and is thus stronger inside the vagina itself than in the external parts. The taste is not quite sour, but somewhat astringent, perhaps because the vagina is, after all, acidic.
Sometimes vaginas can have an almost metallic taste and/or odor because of their high levels of acidity. Again, this is all based on pH levels. Women’s vaginal odor and taste vary.
And as Jezebel notes, “Women have pretty unique vaginal bacterial fingerprints, and thus unique tastes.”
Something’s smoking, and it’s your vagina.
As MyVag.com quaintly puts it, “Smoking gives your vulva ashtray breath.” So, yes being a smoker does alter the way your vagina tastes because the chemicals you’re inhaling into your lungs seep into your bloodstream.
Personally, I believe the only person who has the right to tell you to stop smoking is your SO because he or she is the one who has to kiss your cigarette mouth… but if it’s not only affecting your kisses, but also making your vagina taste rank? It’s probably time to quit.
Not to mention smoking gives you f*cking cancer.
You’re not Marla Singer, OK?
Go home vagina, you are drunk.
Here’s a major buzz kill. Alcohol can have an effect on the way your vagina tastes and not in a good way. According to You Beauty: “Alcohol, which for many is a way to lose our inhibitions in the sack, can also change the flavor of a vagina for the worse.”
Consider all those dreams you had of champagne-flavored pussy dashed. Or is that just me? No? Maybe?
It’s not only the booze affecting the pH levels of your lady parts. As Women’s Health points out, spices, onions, garlic, red meat (good news for vegetarians!), dairy, asparagus and broccoli can also have some seriously adverse affects in the taste department.
Yes, I said broccoli could make your vagina taste bad. See, Mom! Told you broccoli sucked!
The point is, as we discussed earlier, vaginas are slightly acidic, meaning the intake of foods high in alkaloids will throw the acidity off.
Dr. Rosser also notes these taste changes will only last a few days as your body’s levels return to normal. So, don’t feel too awful about all those tequila shots you took at the bar.
Besides, if your SO isn’t down to give you head because your vagina tastes off from a night on the town, well, to put it scientifically, he can go f*ck himself.
What can I put in my mouth to make it taste better?
Though there just isn’t a whole lot of scientific evidence to support these findings, there are certain foods “known” to improve the taste of vaginas.
Pineapple, kiwi, blueberries, mango, green tea, cucumber and parsley are all known to make you taste “better.”
So, basically, eating a fruit salad can make your vag… well, fruity. I’ve been asking around myself and I’ve heard several times the best bet to get a sweet taste is with pineapple.
Rachel Kona, a writer for YourTango personally tested out pineapple and experienced pretty positive results.
Keep your canyon of love so fresh and so clean (clean).
When it comes to vaginas, they taste the way they taste because, nature. No matter what your mind might have you believe, remember this: Your vagina is delicious.
Yes, there are things to affect its taste, but what it comes down to is vaginal health. Because what is important is the well-being of your leading lady.
The best way to keep your vagina healthy is to focus on keeping your pH balance in check. Probiotics are the godsend for vaginas.
According to WebMD:
Probiotics are live bacteria and yeasts that are good for your health, especially your digestive system. We usually think of bacteria as something that causes diseases.
But your body is full of bacteria, both good and bad. Probiotics are often called “good” or ‘helpful’ bacteria because they help keep your gut healthy.
Eating foods high in probiotics can help to facilitate a healthy vag. Go for the classic Greek yogurt your Aunt Clara always touted. Some other fun foods?
According to BuzzFeed’s “11 Things Everyone With A Vagina Should Know About Food,” kimchi, sauerkraut and miso are also little-known foods high in probiotics.
Your vagina is a beautiful, sacred thing.
Truly. It is the oven cocooning all human life. The amazingness is f*cking ridiculous.
That said, vaginas can smell (and yeah, taste) bad if you don’t wash them frequently and take care of them.
Your boyfriend is not going to tell you this. As my SO put it to me, “I would never tell you when your vagina smells because you would f*cking kill me.”
But more than what anyone’s opinion might try tell you, listen to this: Own your vagina! Own your scent! There is no shame.
If you don’t smell fresh down there, your partner should tell you. It’s just a body part. I mean, I certainly don’t mind telling my boyfriend when he needs to shower.
If bodily health also means a fresh from-the-shower scent, take it as an added bonus.
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