In celebration of Chris Noth‘s 59th birthday today, let’s all put our mutual hatred for Carrie Bradshaw aside for a moment and examine this fact: At some point or other in our love lives, we have all dated a Mr. Big character.
He’s the guy who already has two ex-wives and doesn’t tell you when he makes life plans — red flags all around, especially you, Carrie!
First, we applaud the women who accurately read the (blatant) signs that they should not have ended up with this Mr. Big character. Duh, after we caught him looking at other women over dinner way too early on in the game, we knew he wasn’t the guy for us.
We hate Carrie because she’s The Girl who falls for the smoke and mirrors and doesn’t recognize the obvious: Mr. Big suuuuuuuucks!!!
And we know this girl, too. She’s the one we say, “I cannot believe she ended up with _____ (insert obvious Mr. Big character here). He’s such a prick.”
Don’t want to risk being humiliated on your wedding day or entertaining thoughts of The One Who Got Away in Dubai (AIDAN! You are so stupid, Carrie!)? Here are the signs that Mr. Big wasn’t right for Carrie all along (…or why Carrie should have ended up with Aidan).
Classic Dick Move: Rebounding With Natasha
There are so many things wrong with this one. First off, Mr. Big couldn’t commit to Carrie, his longtime girlfriend, but he somehow was able to get engaged to Natasha in record time? Not to mention she’s pretty effing gorgeous and way younger. So typical.
Mr. Big Didn’t Introduce Carrie To His Family
If he is evasive about meeting the family, then he isn’t taking the relationship seriously. This one is a no-brainer.
Mr. Big Was A Cheater
You know that saying, “You can’t see what’s happening right in front of you”? That’s how we feel about this one. He wouldn’t leave Natasha for you, Carrie. Oooh, burn.
The Girls Didn’t Like Him
Samantha, Charlotte and yes, – we hate to admit it – Miranda, were funny and smart women. Their opinions were usually correct, and in this case, their unease with Big was spot on.
Mr. Big Was A Shady Dude
Uhhh, what’s with not knowing his first name until six years later? Is this some Witness Protection shizz? Ick, not slick.
Mr. Big Left Carrie At The Altar
This move only worked out in “Runaway Bride” because it was Richard Gere and Julia Roberts; not pimple-chin-Parker and over-the-hill-eternal-bachelor-Big.
He Didn’t Have Any Friends
See: signs he’s a shady dude. Aidan had Steve. Smith Jared had an entourage. Mr. Big barely had some stuffy, clear-liquids-only acquaintances and his driver. There’s a reason why no one likes him.
He Had To Lose Carrie To Realize He Loved Her
Really? Flying halfway around the world to Paris to profess your love? Your ship has sailed, Mr. Big! Should have appreciated her while you had the chance!
Bad Gift Giver
Big gave Carrie a completely thoughtless, diamond swan purse because he had no idea what she liked.
Big Never Tried To Understand Carrie
It took Carrie writing an entire book for Big to appreciate her needs. Scumbag.
Top photo courtesy of Sex And The City