It Doesn't Go Both Ways: Why Women Need To Stop Accepting The Dad Bod

The media are swarming with dad bods right now.

Everywhere you turn, around every corner of the Internet lies some article, photo essay or testament to the chubby, beer-guzzling, don’t-give-a-f*ck-about-the-way-we-look dad bod. The Internet is saturated… saturated with saturated fat, that is.

It all started with an article by Mackenzie Pearson for The Odyssey. She catalogued a whole slew of reasons girls love dad bodies.

Among these mildly alarming reasons for dating down, in all honesty, are that we like to be the pretty ones, we want to know what we’re getting and they make better cuddlers.

All I can really think to say is: WTF?!

Are we women seriously this insecure? Are we trying to glorify the dad bod because we’re afraid a hot guy will leave us for someone better, body shame us or think we’re not good enough?

As far as I can tell, dad bod is synonymous with a having a lack of self-worth, for being insecure.

And what about you, guys? Why are you so into your chunky bods? Is it because you don’t care or you don’t think you have to care?

Men, you simply cannot get away with this. It’s insanity. The fact that we’re glorifying men being pudgy and simultaneously berating women with too-thin madness is disturbing.

We’re kidding ourselves if we think we’ve been doing away with old-timey standards. We’re legitimately lying to ourselves if we think revering the dad bod is nullifying the societal need to be “in shape.”

We’re not effectively striking out against conventional beauty standards, saying f*ck you to the magazines and the media by accepting dad bod. If we were, how could there be such a huge, gaping divide between what makes men and women sexy?

There is no standard of sexiness for women equal to this whole dad bod fad. Women are still expected to be thin and bikini ready, aspiring to look like Kate Upton while men are happy looking like Leo DiCaprio or pre-A-list-fame Chris Pratt.

If we ladies need to kill ourselves to maintain our “hot” bodies so we can be considered desirable, how can we not expect the same from the men we date?

Ladies! Are we still really that desperate to find a mate? Seriously?!

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With all the strides we’ve made as feminists, do we really feel the need to settle so we won’t end up alone? And even worse, are we really still in some stunted place in history where a man’s financial resources will allow him to be out of shape? Keep saying you prefer a good personality all you want, my lovelies; see if men will say the same thing about you when you gain 15 pounds.

When we venerate people like Leonardo DiCaprio, who can apparently get with models despite being flabby as all hell, we’re basically derailing everything we’ve worked for. By calling him a "legend," we're downgrading ourselves.

Women shouldn’t be prepared to settle for some subpar loser whose ideas of exercise are keg stands and water gun fights. That’s gross.

If beauty standards are going to hold women to such ridiculously high expectations, why shouldn’t men be held to the same standard?

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Any time I see a smoking hot super model cozied up to some chubby, fleshy actor or millionaire, I shudder.

How can these icky dudes get these hot women? The answer is they can because we allow them to.

If we ladies are going to be forced to work for our rock hard bodies, men should be expected to meet the same criteria. It just isn’t fair that they get to stop trying at 18, and we’re not allowed to do the same. Frankly, it’s a crock of sh*t. If I can’t have a Mom Bod, your dad bod can get f*cked.

When did not giving a f*ck about the way you look become sexy?

We've jumped on the bandwagon saying this is what women want. Women are justifying their “love” of dad bods by respecting the “IDGAF” attitude that goes hand in hand with this physique. It says, “I’ll do, eat and drink whatever the f*ck I want because who cares what anyone thinks?”

I’m sorry, but when did throwing all care about your health and figure out the window become a hot trait? Think about it: We’re basically saying we’re into guys who think we’ll go for them despite their chubby bodies, but they won’t go for us unless we’re a size two. Is that not insulting?

Why do gay men have such hot bodies, but straight men don’t?

Are men not simply ALL men anymore? Gay men are dealing with a much broader breadth of competition. There are a lot of sexy men to choose from. If you want ass as a gay man, you better get yourself to the gym.

Straight guys think they don't have to do anything to get some from hot girls. The sad truth is they’re completely correct.

I’m not saying that all gay men are in shape or that every gay guy hits the gym regularly. I’m merely trying to point out the extreme differences between your homosexual friends and your straight friends and boyfriends. Just look around you for a second.

When did the definition of masculinity start to mean weak, fat and lazy?

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There used to be a time when a masculine male was the guy with rippling abs and juicy biceps, who could build a house with his bare hands. When did being a lazy and fat slob become the standard?

I’m not saying we need some beefy ass dude to be happy, but keeping your body healthy and strong should define manliness.

Plus, if he’s chubby now, just imagine him in 10 years. A sexy, manly guy should be the guy who is fit and active.

I’m not saying manliness should be defined by having abs of steel or arm muscles the size of a smart car. But, maybe your guy should only opt for the fourth slice of pizza once in a blue moon, instead of considering a cheat day on any day that ends with a Y.

Go to the gym. Get on the elliptical.

Opt for the salad instead of the Chipotle burrito, and drink a bottle of water, you mess.