Just Eat Your Damn Food: The World Doesn’t Need Photographic Evidence Of Your Every Meal

Just Eat Your Damn Food: The World Doesn’t Need Photographic Evidence Of Your Every Meal
Women
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Are you a food blogger? Last we checked, you work as an Assistant Buyer for Bloomingdale’s and wouldn’t know good food if you were sitting at a table with Jean-Georges Vongerichten himself. So why are you snapping photos of your meals like it’s J.Lo with her kids, and you’re the paparazzi? Just because you watch ‘Top Chef’ and The Food Network while running on the treadmill, it doesn’t make you a dietary expert.

Please people, we need to stop overpopulating our Instagram feeds with pictures of food! If we want to see the gnarly plate of yellowfin tuna crudo with pickled rhubarb and jalapeño vinaigrette you ate last night, then we’ll follow @ImmaculateInFat, not Mr. Amateur Hour at the Paula Deen test kitchen.

Seriously, the amount of photos we’ve seen with girls posing next to an Artichoke Pizza slice or Big Gay Ice Cream with their mouths open wide, looking like they’re about to devour (God forbid!) the entire thing, is absolutely atrocious.

We’re pretty sure that we’ve either A) Been to all those places, and therefore already know what the truffled French fries with spicy chipotle mayo taste like and don’t care that you are eating them now, B) Aren’t there, can’t taste a photo, and therefore don’t care about viewing it, or C) Aren’t about to applaud the fact that you are going to imbibe an entire Momofuku crack pie (although, we would definitely cheer you on at a Dinosaur BBQ wings eating contest, absolutely).

tumblr_mlray1PdAU1qdm5oto1_500

The food porn photo shoots have gotten grossly out of hand. We’re happy that your significant other took you to Shake Shack, but the picture of you two eating from the same burger is making us nauseous, in more ways than one. Probably the only image that we actually delight in is the one of that b*tchy girl from our sorority making “nom nom” faces as she’s engaging in some serious business with a bacon, egg and cheese and homefries (keep eating, girl!).

What’s even worse than being proud of your bold meal pic? Being ashamed of it. If you’re not pleased that you just inhaled an entire Magnolia cupcake, then why are you uploading a snapshot of it to Facebook with the caption, “Being naughty today”? If you want to be ‘naughty,’ show us a shot of your new motorcycle ankle boots, not your feelings on a plate.

Just because we “like” your snap of the Meatball Shop, does not mean that we are validating your emotional binge eating. Justify consuming that fresh chopped salad from Sweetgreen by texting your group chats. Don’t disrupt our homepage as we’re trying to check on more important things like puppies of the day, our friend posing in the bathroom of Finale and our favorite memes.

Listen, we’re not going on a tirade against you sharing meaningful images of yourself. We love virtually watching you blow out the candles on your birthday torte — it makes us feel as if we are there celebrating with you. What we don’t love is the close up of the layers in your mille-feuille cake. Congratulations, you turned twenty-six and rejoiced by stuffing face! Welcome to the club!

tumblr_mlnpn9aX4s1qdm5oto1_500

What’s more is that most chefs don’t enjoy having their Picasso food masterpieces photographed for public consumption – they don’t want the dining surprise to be ruined for everyone else. The point of going to a hyped restaurant is the experience of trying new flavors and being excited by the presentation. By uploading shots of the famed restaurant beforehand, you’re spoiling it for everyone else. It’s like telling all of Twitter how ‘Homeland’ ends. Not cool, refrain from sharing.

Not gonna lie, we’re kind of jealous that you got to go to Carbone and shell out $50 for a piece of veal parm. But, please don’t rub it in our faces unless you plan on inviting us next time. And, let’s be honest here, we all know it’s either going down the toilet or to your ass post-consumption, so the glory of posting it is only fleeting.

Share Tweet
React
Like Us On Facebook
Like Us On Facebook

Laura Argintar

Laura Argintar is a Senior Women's Editor at Elite Daily, comedienne and low-key science nerd. Listed among her achievements are performing stand-up throughout New York City, graduating with honors from the University of Michigan with a Bachelor of Science and being the first woman in history to twerk at a 2 Chainz concert. LARG – as her friends call her – enjoys covering women’s topics, watching celebrities self-destruct and rising to any occasion.

More In Women

Women Vicki Baron

5 Reasons Why Boy Friends Are Way Better Than Actual Boyfriends

Despite the ever-worrisome presence of “the friend zone” and the potential for our other halves to become jealous, friendships — with people of any gender — are very important to Generation-Y. As a 20-something who has experienced her fair share of life upheavals, relocations and heated rows, I am very proud of the fact that […]

Women Laura Argintar

The Female Hunger Games: 17 Ways Women Try To Outdo Each Other Way Too Often

Unlike our physically aggressive male counterparts, when it comes to girl-on-girl competition, we prefer torturing our opponent with social mind games rather than an all-out brawl. Some believe this passive form of fighting is an evolutionary tactic to protect our uteruses, but in reality, it’s just way more entertaining to watch (see: Bravo reality television, […]

Also On Elite

World

Cop Who Shot Michael Brown Didn’t Know He Was A Robbery Suspect

The Ferguson Police Department earlier today released police reports, pictures and video footage to support their claim that slain teenager Michael Brown had robbed a convenience store minutes before his death. It was also reported that Darren Wilson, the officer who shot Brown, encountered the 18-year-old while responding to a 911 call about the robbery. […]

Life

The Freshman Survival Guide: How To Make The Next Four Years The Best Of Your Life

Dear Freshman, I first want to start off by saying congratulations. Getting into college is a major accomplishment, and it’s one you should be proud of. You have made it through four years of school, the micromanagement of teachers, the dreaded SAT/ACT the rules and regulations of living with your parents. Now, the time has […]