The Most Important Lessons We Learned From ‘Mean Girls’
I think it’s safe to say that every Gen-Y female has watched “Mean Girls” at least like 50 times. If you are a Gen-Y female and haven’t seen it, you have a lot to learn and should probably take a lap.
Watching “Mean Girls” was a rite of passage into womanhood. It was when we first learned what it means for someone to butter your muffin, that joining Mathletes is social suicide, that if your name is Janis, you’re probably a lesbian and that our boobs can predict when it’s already raining.
Whether you realize it or not, you probably wouldn’t be the Elite bitch you are today without this classic film. So in honor of another thing we can’t live without, #TBT, here are the most important lessons we learned from “Mean Girls.”
1. The Rules Of Feminism
This is probably the most important lesson we can take from “Mean Girls.” It is absolutely against the rules of feminism to date your friend’s ex-boyfriend, crush or relative. The only exception is if he’s her first cousin (because you have your cousins and then you have your first cousins).
2. How To Verbally Argue With Anyone
If it weren’t for “Mean Girls,” I probably wouldn’t have a comeback for anytime I get into a fight with someone. If anyone talks sh*t, you say one of the following: “You can go shave your back now”; “Your mom’s chest hair”; “You’re too gay to function”; or “I want my pink shirt back.” I guarantee that will make them STFU. We have “Mean Girls” to thank for that.
3. You Can’t Just Ask Someone Why They’re White
It was awkward and f*cked up when Karen asked Cady why she’s white if she is from Africa. Don’t make assumptions about someone’s race or heritage. It is racist and wrong. Also don’t assume that the black girl in your class is African because she could easily be from Michigan…And don’t walk up to a random table of people and say “Jambo!”
4. Be A Trendsetter, Not A Follower
Regina George may have been a bitch, but everyone secretly wanted to be her. When she had holes over the nipples of her shirt, people weren’t like WTF you whore. Instead, every other girl cut holes over the nipples of their shirts. When Cady wore army pants and flip-flops, everyone else wore army pants and flip-flops.
And we all know Cady Heron is just a less hot version of Regina George. When Regina got hit by a bus, everyone else started jumping in front of buses. Okay, no they didn’t, but you get the point. Be confident in your own style and others will follow.
5. You Can’t Help It If You’re Popular
Obviously if the Plastics were hot, popular bitches, people were going to hate on them. Clearly, they could give less of a f*ck. “I’m sorry that people are so jealous of me, but I can’t help it that I’m so popular,” Gretchen Weiners so eloquently stated. Not everybody in life is going to like you, especially if you’re popular or successful. You just have to do you and realize that when people hate on you, it only stems from jealousy.
6. Don’t Change Who You Are Just To Blend In
When Cady started hanging out with the Plastics, she felt like she had to forget about who she was before and become a clone of them. She started acting stupid, dressing sluttier and smelling like a baby prostitute. She even stopped listening to her favorite musician, Ladysmith Black Mambazo.
In the end, Cady realized that she could have had everything she wanted by just being herself (the boy, the grades, the popularity.) Always stay true to yourself and f*ck the haters.
7. If You Have Sex, You Will Get Pregnant And Die
Okay, not really. Coach Carr is the one who taught us this, but he was also the one f*cking two underage Asian twins in the projection room above the auditorium. What we can learn from this, however, is to be safe when you have sex. Otherwise you can wind up getting Chlamydia and dying, or worse: pregnant…with Asian twins.
8. Only Wear Your Hair In A Ponytail Once A Week
…So I guess you picked today. Also, you can only wear sweatpants on Fridays. No, but really, if you dress like sh*t and throw your hair in a ponytail everyday, nobody is going to respect you or take you seriously. Take care of yourself and your appearance. Dress for the occasion, wherever you go. Yeah sure, beauty may be skin deep or whatever, but a first impression is all about what you see on the outside. And if you see a ponytail and sweats…you’re thinking: “dyke.”
9. Your Revenge Will Backfire
This one is important. When Cady put foot cream in Regina’s face wash, it only made her face smell like peppermint. Yeah, Cady made Regina fat from her mom’s weird Swedish protein bars, hooked up with her ex-boyfriend Aaron Samuels and eliminated Regina’s army of skanks, but then Regina sought revenge by making the Burn Book public and sh*t hit the fan. Revenge is a vicious cycle that will only screw you over in the end. Let Karma do its job instead.
10. The Bullsh*t Doesn’t Matter
Once the Plastics realized that being catty teenage c*nts was a waste of time, everyone at North Shore High got along and lived happily ever after. It didn’t matter anymore what table you sat at in the cafeteria: freshman, preps, JV Jocks, Asian nerds, cool Asians, Varsity jocks, unfriendly black hotties, girls who eat their feelings, girls who don’t eat anything, desperate wannabees, burnouts or sexually active band geeks.
Be the best version of yourself, and don’t rely on your image. At the end of the day, nobody is going to give a sh*t about your reputation in high school or college.
Photos courtesy Mean Girls