The 10 Reasons Why The Bartender Isn’t Letting You Get White Girl Wasted
I'm sure every girl can relate to this: you wait on a line similar to the one outside an American Idol audition to get into a bar. After an hour of sobering up from the pre-game, you finally get into the bar and need a drink (or ten) like NOW. You quickly scan the bar to find a guy you know that will buy you a drink ASAP.
Sh*t, nobody in sight. You could flirt with a stranger in hopes that you'll eventually get a drink out of him, but let’s be real, those are ten precious minutes that can be better spent getting drunk. F*ck it, the first drink will be on you. It's worth the money at this point.
You whip out the debit card and try to shove your way to the bar as if you're trying to break through the barricade at an Avicii concert. Once you get there, it can take anywhere from two minutes to two hours to get your vodka cranberry. If you aren't getting served, there's a reason, and it's probably one of the following:
1. You're leaning over the bar and invading the bartender's personal space.
Leaning half of your body weight over the bar will only work if you're wearing a low cut shirt and the bartender is a dude. Otherwise, you're just being disrespectful of the bartender's space and making him or her feel claustrophobic.
2. The bartender is a girl.
Girls love being bitches to each other for no reason. Female bartenders enjoy making other girls wait for their drink just for the hell of it.
3. You expect the drink to come to you.
While you don't want to be too aggressive or annoy the sh*t out of the bartender, you can't just stand there and expect them to come to you. Try to make eye contact whenever the bartender is near you so they know that you are waiting.
4. You're relying on a guy to get one for you.
When this move works out, it's very convenient. But sometimes you'll find yourself talking to a guy in the middle of the bar who's already blacked out. At that point, he's not trying to go back to the bar to get you another drink. The only place he's trying to take you is back to his place.
5. You're waving around your Chase debit card like it's a black card.
We all know you're broke. Stop waving you're debit card in the bartender's face like you're entitled — you don’t even have a legit account, it’s college checking account for god’s sake.
6. You’re whining.
Screaming “excuse me bartender” in an obnoxious whiny voice 20 times in a row is not going to help you get your drink faster, it’s only going to make the bartender want to hurt you.
7. The bartender is gay.
If you’re trying to flirt with the bartender to get served and it isn’t working, it probably means he’s gay and therefore has no incentive to serve you faster.
8. You're aggressively pushing people in the crowd.
If you're willing to hurt people in order to get a drink, you will come off as a psychopath and nobody will want to help you.
9. You treat the bartender like a personal butler.
If bartenders feel disrespected, they will seek revenge by not serving you. Stop snapping your fingers in their faces, you’re probably at a ratchet bar and you just look like an assh*le. They are not your servant and probably won’t take your sh*t.
10. You're not as pretty as the chick next to you.
If the bartender is a straight male, he will obviously prioritize the better-looking girls at the bar, even though there's a slim chance that he'll get anything out of it other than a one dollar tip.