The Most Shockingly Tasteless Halloween Costumes You’d Never Want Your Daughter To Wear
We understand that, at a certain age, Halloween ceases to be an innocent day for us to play dress-up and instead becomes a night for us to wear our most revealing, vulgar and inappropriate outfits. But there’s a line that needs to be drawn — wearing your bra and thong and putting a nun’s habit on your head is not okay, and for obvious reasons.
Halloween is about ghoulishly scaring your friends, not scaring your parents with your barely-there costume. We’ve come across some pretty shocking clothing choices before (see: socks and sandals, ahhh the horror!), but these “sexy” costumes really take the pumpkin.
Hot Miley Cyrus
Honestly, it was bad enough the first time and any imitation will only be much, much worse. Don’t validate her crazy behavior anymore by wearing her ensemble.
Hot Tribal Indian
How is that headdress even remotely sexy? Who is going to want you when you’re sprouting feathers out of your head like a peacock? And, if you’re a politically correct kind of person, there is especially something wrong with “sexifying” a Native American.
This isn’t a costume, it’s a bathing suit that costs more money than an actual bra and underwear would. You are not only stupid for purchasing a $70 piece of latex that should never be worn period, but you are also stupid for thinking you are fooling anyone with putting a hat on your head and calling yourself a “cop.” You are not dressing up as a cop; you are dressing up as a porn star.
Hot Carrot Top
This just misses the mark so hard. At least if you’re trying to dress like a sloot on Halloween, own up to it. Don’t disguise yourself in something innocent and platonic, like a carrot.
Hot, Wait? WTF Is This?
This isn’t even a real costume! Who are you supposed to be? Did you forget that you’re supposed to dress-up as something on Halloween, not just a slootier version of yourself? Nice effort with the long sleeves, though.
Just Plain Old Sexy
We actually double dare someone to wear this because that’s the only reason you should wear solely furry suspenders to the next Halloween party.
Really? What is this world coming to? A sexy CEO? Women are still struggling to be taken seriously in the boardroom — this costume just set us back a few.
The details say that this is a “sexy pink puff monster” costume. Huh? This doesn’t even make sense — “pink puff” should not be used to describe a “monster.” But this is frightening enough to make us never want to go Halloween shopping again…Oh wait, we just found out that it comes in a deluxe version. #FacePalm
This isn’t slooty. It’s terrifying. There are so many things wrong with the idea of sexy squid, beginning with the tentacles coming out of her ass.
Hot Edward Scissorhands
We’re sure you’re going to get a lot of guys with those kinds of gloves on. Maybe try offering him a hand job.
Hot Mardi Gras
Um, wrong holiday dum-dum. Save it for the slooty parade.
Random Fun Stuff
This is meant for the privacy of you and your significant other. They forgot to put “do not wear outside of the house if you want to be taken seriously” on the packaging.
Honestly why bother wearing a costume at all? Pretty sure we all know what your tits look like now regardless.
Hot ‘Apple Bottom Country Girl’
If we stand far away enough, we can’t tell if she has pepperoni nipples or if those are apples. At least it’s in the same red food family!
Is this a joke? If you’re trying to dress up in a sexy costume, why in the world would you choose outfitting yourself as a skunk? Not to mention it looks like this feline took a dump under her tail. But actually, why?
Hot Light Up Pussy
If we were to wear this we probably wouldn’t be able to resist yelling, “my pussy shines just for you!” The spotlight is literally on your vagina — your labia is the star of the show. Congrats, we guess?
Hot BJ University
This is so obvious it hurts. You might as well paste a sign to your chest that says, “I will give you head tonight.” Or is completing full sentences challenging for you? Wait, you went to BJ University?! Can we play Jewish Geography with you?
Hot Whipped Cream
Trying a little too hard…(shakes head).