The Facebook Bride: Getting Engaged, Married And Having Kids, All For Facebook Likes

The Facebook Bride: Getting Engaged, Married And Having Kids, All For Facebook Likes
Women

Here’s a philosophical question: if a Gen-Y female gets engaged and doesn’t post it on Facebook, did the engagement really happen? In modern times, when our phones are glued to our hands and ready to upload a photo in just a few key strokes, it feels as if everything – especially nuptials – needs to be publicized in order for it be legitimized.

The line between sharing and over-sharing is a tricky one. On the one hand, it’s nice to virtually tell our distant friends that we’ve tied the knot. On the other, why do we care if someone we haven’t spoken to in over eight years knows that we’re getting married? Is nothing sacred anymore?

Perhaps new brides just aren’t satisfied with close family and friends celebrating their special moment. Why settle for only fifty people congratulating us (which still sounds like a lot!) when we could have two hundred? Can we no longer trust that word of mouth will spread the news? (If you’re Jewish, trust me, all it takes is a couple of Gchats and nail salon run-ins, and everyone from your fourth grade teacher to your pediatrician will know you’re engaged. Don’t worry.)

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We’re all for giving kudos and liking your “can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with this handsome man <3” status after you’ve been proposed to at the Highline. But, what is completely transparent is to then post a zoomed-in, big, fat, solo shot of your megawatt 2-carat ring – show off.

Flaunting your million dollar sparkler is a totally gratuitous move – you already know that diamond is incredible, and chances are the rest of the world will hear about it eventually, too. Save the ring photos for private text messages – or at the very least, for orchestrated poses with your hubby in which your left hand just happens to rest on his belly (and thereby broadcasting your jewelry in a more subtle, harder to see way).

Listen ladies, after we hear that you’re engaged, it doesn’t matter if we personally know you or not, we’re obviously going to go on Facebook, and look for pictures of your ring because we’re girls and we love that stuff. Why open the forum to the opinions of people whom you don’t even know unless you’re Kim Kardashian? And, what’s the fun in making it that easy to spot? To the newly engaged, a word of advice: keep your ring a mystery, so people like us – who will literally fish around for hours trying to unearth pics of it, but have no business knowing what it looks like – don’t ever find out!

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Growing up on Facebook has provided us the special skill of being able to determine when your wedding updates are all for show versus actually genuine, joyous announcements. There’s a difference between changing your Facebook marital status to “married” versus fake complaining to the cyber-world that your $16-a-slice specially ordered cake doesn’t come in “burnished rose.” Is telling us four months in advance that your wedding reception will be at The Plaza an invitation to crash it? Didn’t think so.

Being desensitized to the values of privacy has warped our sense of what is appropriate to display and what is not. Proclaiming that your fiancé’s tuxedo is a custom-made Tom Ford and your dress is an off-the-runway $20,000 Marchesa creation would qualify as an over share. Posting photos of the two of you wearing them at the altar during your “I dos”, however, is romantic and welcomed, and furthermore, likely to gain more compliments and likes. Save the ostentatious details for TLC’s Randy on “Say Yes to the Dress.”

Showcasing moments from your wedding including the ceremony, the décor, the cute pre-party robes, and the likes of, are always positively received. We enjoy perusing through your wedding day photos and envisioning what ideas we’ll steal from you. Don’t spoil a special time by obsessing about how it’ll appear on Facebook. After all, if what really matters to you is “spending the rest of your life with your handsome man <3”, then you won’t need social media anyway.

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Laura Argintar

Laura Argintar is an experienced writer, comedienne and low-key science nerd. Listed among her achievements are performing stand-up throughout New York City, graduating from the University of Michigan with a Bachelor of Science and being the first woman in history to twerk at a 2 Chainz concert. LARG – as her friends call her – enjoys covering women’s topics, watching celebrities self-destruct and rising to any occasion.

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