Guys try to understand girls, who try to understand guys. This is the constant game that we find ourselves playing whenever we make eye-contact with a potential one-night stand, or our future ex-husband. Understanding any person fully will never happen, and having some sort of idea behind why guys do the things they do to sleep with us gives us some comfort that we’re one step closer.
Nothing is more frustrating than mixed-signals, so being able to decode those signals is always a plus. So, as much as guys complain that they don’t understand girls, girls are always puzzled by the inconsistent courting decisions that men make.
Texting is the most frustrating platform for decoding any signal from the opposite sex. Guys thoroughly believe sending a text message takes effort. As if it were a sonnet, or a love letter or something. As much as a girl will analyze statements and look into a guy’s actions, there are guys out there who do it just as often.
A prime example: the morning text. Girls and guys have different implications behind receiving a text in the morning. A girl decodes this as a guy thinking about you immediately when he wakes up and can’t wait to talk to you. To a guy, he knows it is one of the ultimate, non-materialistic ways to get a girl completely smitten by him, and laid again.
While out at a bar, it is even harder to decode. Not only are you wasted in the dark, but you must decode on the spot where you have little time to analyze responses. You’re not able to stare at a screen, call your best friend, text your roommate and see what they all have to say about his latest message.
From a strategic stand point, it is best to understand what kind of guy you’re approaching and move forward from there. There are always infinite reasons why a guy may act the way he does, but a broad idea will help girls understand why guys act the way they do and what it means.
Scenario: He texts you to see if you are coming out, then barely talks to you once you arrive
What it Means: He wants you to come over to him first. This is can likely be the action of a guy who gets with a lot of girls and always finds himself with options. So his plan was probably to text you to show his interest, and see if his interest would be reciprocated by you coming up and talking to him at the bar.
It is best to go up to him once you show up to the bar. Say hello and head down the bar to grab a drink; if he does not follow you then the situation is still fine. You are giving him time to mingle with others, rather than phasing out the conversation early and leaving the rest of the night with nothing to say. If you find him in the middle of the night, it gives you an excuse to talk, the classic “where have you been all night??” conversation. Then you two grab a drink together.
Once you are hanging out with him, and you are in your prime flirting mode, it is time to open up the door for him: he may make future plans, hook-up with you, or just keep talking. Either way, try and sense his direction. If he is still stalling, he is probably a wimp and cannot man up to initiate a plan. This is where it depends on how much you want him. You may have to take him home on your own demand, or leave him to his computer and porn at 4am.
Scenario: He flirts with you all night, but does not ask for your number at the end of the night, or doesn’t follow up with plans
What it Means: There are three main possibilities here: he does not like you, he has zero confidence, or he is just an idiot. The most viable are the last two: many girls have this idea that men are always in macho mode and are able to take charge no matter what the circumstances are. But guys are actually afraid of being rejected just as much as girls are. So they come up with stupid plans like “waiting three days to text,” or waiting to sleep with you because they do not want to “ruin things.”
These are just childish methods they use to not mess things up. While you do not know much about what they are thinking, what you should know is that if they are giving you mixed signals they are probably just worrying over dumb notion.
Girls tend to give guys too much credit. While you may be afraid of rejection as well, you need to put yourself out there in a borderline obvious manner. Just say flat out what you want from him. If he is the “zero-confidence” guy, or the “idiot,” by sending him a clear message he will quickly change his odd ways.
If you turn from super flirty to shy and standoffish in the hopes of playing hard to get by the end of the night, the guy will think that you DON’T want him to get your number or follow up plans with you. So it is best to go with flirting: it will only increase your comfort level as the night keeps going.
When it comes time to say goodbye, it is best to throw in a line such as “Tonight was fun but I’m hoping Thursday night will be even better.” This will lead him to ask, “What is Thursday night?” where you reply with what plans you would like him to join or tell him you’re off Friday and you’re just looking for something fun to do.
If he is smart, he will get the hint and text you for plans by asking “What’s your number?” If he does not, do not rule him out just yet, give him one more night out to flirt and see what happens – meeting you for the first time and asking you for his number may be intimidating to him.
If by the second hang out he has not made any moves, you should definitely stand up and head over to the other side of the bar. Nobody wants to be with the guy who acts like a pussy.
Scenario: He is all over another girl, but then comes over to you later as if nothing happened
What it Means: It was not working out with his first choice, so he thinks he will score with you, his “back-up.” If he is all over another girl for the majority of the night, especially from the moment you walk into the bar, and then later he comes to your side trying to spark up conversation, walk away. The situation is obvious, so have enough respect for yourself to know that you are NOT a back up fuck. If he wanted to talk to you for the night, or even wanted a chance to score, he should have made that clear hours sooner. And a girl sooner.
He is now the run of the mill loser; a douche bag guy for who he is. He may find someone with fewer morals, or may find himself alone, but you will probably end up flirting with someone you like more: a cuter, better version of him. More importantly, someone who is not that guy.