As I type this, Flo is in town and she does not want to leave. Sorry, but I have enough people crashing on my couch and this visitor is about the furthest thing from welcome.
Seeing as there’s no way to cheat the cycle, you can at least attempt to confront it face-to-face -- with slay.
Here is our guide to what exactly to wear when you feel like dying. No maternity wear involved, promise.
When you have a date on day two and you’d rather die than wear anything with buttons.
Putting on pants is hard enough when your vagina isn’t acting like a bloody leaking faucet, so stick with a romper. This one has a particularly low cut, perfect for detracting from any bloating or general feelings of “ick.”
Pair with pointed pumps and a clutch big enough to hold all your tampon friends. Just make sure someone can help you figure out that zipper situation in the bathroom.
When your friends decide to go shopping even though you feel like dying.
The last thing you might want to do is take things on and off your body, but your friends don’t care about your happiness or well-being, so now you’re stuck in a H&M fitting room trying on leggings.
Pair a graphic sweater and leather accent leggings (because you want to look like you put some effort, right?) with your favorite glitzy slip-ons.
It’s day three and you still have to go to work and pretend to give a sh*t.
The dough grind waits for no one, even if you have something out of a Quentin Tarantino movie going on down there. Wear a light shirtdress paired with some badass ankle boots. Throw on a hat because let’s face it, your hair looks like sh*t and even your dry shampoo can’t fix that mess.
You have to walk your pups even though you’re visiting downtown Cramp City.
Fluffy doesn’t give a flying f*ck if you’re dying, she needs to take a wee and she will do it on your bed if you don’t get up and attempt to be a functioning human being. Throw on your favorite sweats and those slip-ons you’ve lived in for the past four months.
A beanie will take care of whatever situation you have on your head and a leather jacket makes it look like you give a damn when you really, truly don’t.
