What Women Are Really Thinking About During Gym Classes
Going to the gym is supposed to be a time when we blow off steam, clear our heads and finally get a moment to ourselves…that is, if we could actually turn off our brains’ incessant chatter.
A woman’s inner monologue is almost always on, especially when we’re working out and it’s just us, some music and an endless stopwatch ticking away every second.
Whether we’re deciding what to cook for dinner afterwards or what we’re going to wear out that night, our minds run faster than we do at the gym. Here’s what women are really thinking during gym class…
Why Is That 40-Year-Old In Better Shape Than I Am?
Is there anything more demoralizing than breathlessly hanging onto the treadmill for dear life, walking on an incline while some tight, pint-sized mom effortlessly sprints next to you? We’re using her as mental fuel to keep climbing.
Whoa, Where Are His Hands Going…I Kind Of Like It
Did that trainer just cop a feel or fix your downward dog? Do you really care? Free feels for everyone!
Will I Have To Wash My Hair After This Workout? I Just Did Last Night
We’ll do anything (or not do anything) to avoid ponytail creases, greasy hairlines and sweaty buns while at the gym, especially if our hair is freshly styled. Who wants to have to do a whole other workout that is blowdrying and straightening our hair after we already just completed one?
I Hope I Don’t Fart During Yoga
All that stretching and bending combined with low-tuned music equals a recipe for disaster. There’s no good way out of this but to excuse yourself for “some fresh air.”
Jeez, I’ve Only Been On This Thing For Seven Minutes!
Why are there still forty minutes left? Is this how long an episode of “Friends” really lasts? We’d much rather be stoned watching Netflix…or eating.
That Crop Top Takes Guts
We get it! You’re super-fit and you’re going to rub it in everyone’s face with that skimpy crop top. It takes a very secure woman to run with her stomach hanging out. And with bike shorts? Now you’re just showing off.
Is That Guy Coming Over Here?
Do I look good? Do I look sweaty? Is he into me? Maybe he saw me sprint two yards back there; I should start running again…Oh, he’s just going to the water fountain…
My thighs are on fire. My thighs are on fire. Why am I pretending to be a chair when there are chairs for that!
Why Is This Instructor Out Of Shape?
Aren’t you supposed to be the one who has all the time to work out? It’s your job to be fit — how are we going to trust an overweight trainer?
I Sweat A Lot
Why isn’t anyone else sweating and I’m in hell over here? I think I have a perspiration problem…
Damn, That Guy Has Been Running For A While!
Seriously, how are you still going? Why don’t they invent an energy drink called “endurance?”
Crushed That Pilates Move
I am awesome. I can do anything. I am ripped. I will wear a bikini to work tomorrow.
Do They Know I’m Not A Member?
Signing in as a guest or using a friend’s pass can always be a little nerve-wracking. Will they kick us out when they discover our secret? It’s kind of like being an undercover agent during a drug bust — if they know your true identity, you’re outta there.
How Many Weeks Until I Look Like Her?
Body envy at the gym — tell us something we don’t know about.
Get me out of here.
Do I Smell?
We put on deodorant, but why does it still smell over here?
Why Are You Here? You Don’t Need The Gym
How come there aren’t obese people at the gym when we’re there? Where are the heavier people in the class to make us feel better? None of these twiggy betches need the gym!
I’m Going To Throw Up
Please just make it stop!
This Is A Good Move For Tonight…
Might do a little vinyasa sun salutations in the bedroom, now that I can reach my toes.
Photo credit: Michael Buckner/Getty Images for Glamour