Men, Hollywood might have you believing that a good first date is the result of a magical initial encounter followed by a natural period of escalation during which she becomes aroused to the point of the next step's inevitability.
Unfortunately, in the robotic age of Tinder, it isn’t always so simple to have a real-world conversation with a human being – let alone a smoking-hot 10.
Plus, there’s an ocean of misleading information out there; you should say this or do that and hope the façade will make it through at least the entrée.
All of this can lead to a lot of confusion for both you and your date. In reality, though, the formula for success is relatively simple.
First, you need to understand that to an extent, you’ve already won by getting her on that first date.
There was a meeting, online or off, during which the arousal was great enough to take the next step, so now that you’ve got her there, let’s see how you can get the most out of it…
1. Laugh
A lot of guys, when they go on a first date, feel the need to act filtered, stifled and as plain as vanilla ice cream. This trio leads to a potent cocktail of boredom, which might be entertaining if you were out with the parents, but simply won’t cut it with the cute brunette from marketing.
According to some very smart people, laughing can cause levels of stress hormones, such as cortisol, to drop, which naturally creates positive emotions.
As you can be sure she’ll be more nervous than you, focus on letting go, being cheeky and having fun. Doing so is a surefire way to get the date warmed up.
2. Reciprocity
By showing this interest in her and progressing past transactional and mundane small talk, over time she will naturally become interested in you. To get to that next level in the conversation when you know she’s interested, ask questions that engage her.
If she says, “I like books,” find out why she likes that certain type of book. If she has a favorite character, find out if it's because she can empathize with the character.
This allows her to communicate about something for which she is passionate, and this should open her up to you.
When she starts to reciprocate and show an interest in you, that’s when you can lean back with a smile on your face, secure in the knowledge that the attraction is building.
3. Eye Contact
Many women will say that there’s nothing more attractive than a man showing genuine, present interest in her. So relax, lean back and hold confident eye contact with her.
Not creepy, lingering eye contact, just enough that lets her know you are grounded in who you are and the situation does not intimidate you.
4. Ambition
Men naturally crave risk and opportunity; we are a competitive species and displaying drive can be very attractive to women. Show her that sparkle in your eye by talking passionately about your goals for the future, how you are working toward them and most importantly, the reasons why.
From an evolutionary perspective, this is a strong sign of security to a woman, that you are a man who is in command of his own life.
5. Next Steps
When your date’s going well, many people fall into the trap of delaying the next meeting out of a need to play it cool. Screw that. If you like her and she’s into you, don’t be too afraid to take it to the next level, right there and then.
Whether that’s a few late drinks or a ticket for two to the movies the next day, I can attest to the notion that even though it’s a gamble to put your cards on the table from the outset, it often pays off as you quickly become yourselves around each other.
Just a hunch? Apparently not, according to French relationship expert Maïa Mazaurette, who says that having sex on the first date is the secret to a better relationship.
