You to your friends: "I'm so over my ex." Totally. You're so over your ex that you don't follow them on Instagram anymore. You're so over them that when they posted on LinkedIn about their sweet new job at Google, you didn't even notice. You're so over them that you threw away (burned) that last T-shirt of theirs you had in your drawer.
Sound familiar? Same, same. I rarely fall in lurve with guys — can't even say the word like an adult — but when I do, I find it really hard to get over them. It's painful to next-level connect with someone and then suddenly next them from my life. Staying friends with exes is not in my repertoire.
I'm not great at being automatically "over it." I'm a human person; I'm going to wonder what my ex is up to. And be curious about who he's dating. And cry a little bit when I see on Snapchat that he brought a date to see the same band we saw. And then still say that I'm "over him."
So how do you know when you are truly over someone? Here are five subtle signs that you aren't over your ex just yet.
1. You Still Check Their Instagram
Or any of their social media. Or maybe you've unfollowed your ex, but you know their account is public and you still search "ryman51" once a day, minimum. Of course, it's normal to be curious about your ex, but if you continue to check up on what they are up to daily, you are not truly over them... and you never will be.
Unfollowing an ex on social media is a healthy step to take, but even that "unfollow" tap means that you still care a bit. When you start going days, or even weeks, without even thinking about Googling them, then you're really moving on.
2. You Check Their New Boo's Instagram
Again, super normal. You want to know who your ex ends up with because you are a person with an ego and feelings. Even if you broke up with them, you're going to be curious about their new boo.
But how do you feel when you see them? “If you can see your ex with a new partner, and be happy for them, or at least be OK with them, then you're on your way,” says relationship expert April Masini.
When you can know who your ex is dating, and not obsess over it or compare yourself to them, that's great news. If it's hard to know that your ex is with someone new and you feel resentful, you're still not over them.
3. You Think About Them On The Regular
Similarly to Insta-stalking them, you're going to think about your ex. A song will come on your Spotify or you'll pass a random sake bar you had your first date at. It's OK to think about your ex; they were an important part of your life. It would be a little no-feels-socio of you if you didn't ever think about them.
“The best question you can ask yourself to test your recovery from the breakup is, 'When was the last time you thought about your ex?'" says Masini. "As you get over an ex, it will be longer and longer between thinking of that person.”
If the last time was about four minutes ago, you're not over them. Even if it was two days ago, you might still be hung up. Unfortunately, time is the only cure for this. You can control not Facebook searching their name, but you can't control what thoughts pop into your head. Give yourself a break.
4. You Haven't Been Trying To Date
OK, maybe you got it in once with that cutie you met during a drunken "F my ex" night out with friends, but if you're not actually going on dates yet, you're probably not over your ex. That's OK. Realistically, you won't be able to get into another relationship until you are over your last boo. That doesn't mean you can't date and be single, though.
“Get out there and be single,” says Masini. “Avoiding being single is what keeps you from being in a new relationship.”
Netflix-and-chilling with a Bumble match is actually a better cure to heartbreak than Netflix-and-Halo Top. You don't have to get married right away, but you can distract yourself from your past love by embracing the single.
5. You Stay In Touch With Them
So, I'm not sure why you are reading this article because if you are still in touch with your ex, you know you are not over them. True, some people can maintain friendships after breaking up, but I've never met them in real life. Ever. It's a myth that you can both be "over" an ex, but want to meet up and see how they are doing. You care a little bit.
If you are in a new relationship, do your new boo a solid and don't text your ex. One day it might be appropriate to email and check in, but if you're finding excuses to chat with them, you're definitely not over it.
At the end of the day, it's possible there are some people we never quite "get over." My ninth grade first kiss who got back together with his girlfriend two weeks after we made out scarred me for years. (I think he just had a baby, still lives in our hometown, and I'm very happy for him. This is because I've had a lot of time to not think about him and to grow as a person.)
If you do one or all of the above things, yes, you might not be completely over your ex, but no, that does not mean you need to run back to them. Trust that time is the magical potion that will cure what ails you, and go on some fun dates in the meantime. Bumble is free to download.
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