Breakups are the worst, especially if you're the one getting broken up with.
But the one thing all breakups have in common is the consumption of various amounts of alcoholic beverages during, before or after the breakup.
Because it's so common, I thought, why not give you a list of several different types of breakups and the alcoholic beverages that go with each one?
Let's get started.
The "it's not me, it's you" breakup
This breakup is on your terms. In other words, they get burnt, and you get turnt.
A lot of times, this happens when you've done everything you can do to save your relationship, and it's still not working out. Or, you've figured out you deserve better.
Either way, you have had enough, and you're done.
Drink of choice: Red Bull vodka
Red Bull gives you wings, and let's face it: You are fly as hell!
You are energized, you're feelin' yourself and nothing will stop you from going out and blowing off some steam.
Red Bull keeps you going, while the vodka makes it easier to announce you're single and ready to mingle.
The ghosting breakup
We've all either been ghosted, ghosted someone else or know someone who has been ghosted.
This usually happens in a "friends with benefits" situation, when you're with someone you only call when you're wasted or lonely.
You like each other, but not really quite enough to commit to each other.
In other words, you like keeping your options open, but hey, you have needs.
Ghosting is the most common breakup in these types of situations, and they are never fun because one person is always left thinking, "WTF? Why are you not returning my calls or texts?"
Drink of choice: Adios Motherfucker
This totally has dual meanings. But, this is the drink you order when you're on a mission to get ridiculously wasted.
You have one goal in mind, and that is to get drunk AF and possibly make some poor decisions.
I mean, I get it. Your ego is bruised, and you need to feel better. So, why not say, "YOLO" and hop back on Tinder for an instant feel-good hookup?
The mutual breakup
Ah, the mutual breakup. This is for mature folks.
These types of breakups are their own breed. You gave it your best shot, but it was all lost.
You're hurt, they're hurt, you feel shitty and they feel shitty. It's pretty much a shitty situation overall.
However, you both know it's for the best and that you'll get over it with some time.
Drink of choice: red wine
It's a bummer, but you need to feel your feelings in order to process, accept and move on.
Red wine can dull the pain, get you to let out some tears and even help you admit to yourself that you knew it wasn't going to work out.
Never underestimate the power of red wine. It's been known to cause epiphanies among the brokenhearted.
The first love breakup
This one hurts, and it hurts bad.
You don't know how to cope with your feelings, your world is over and absolutely NO ONE understands.
For a lot of us, this happens before we're of legal drinking age. So more than likely, you asked an older cousin, friend or someone else in that category to buy you alcohol while you decided on which chaser you'd drink with it.
Drink of choice: A handle of vodka or whatever your personal choice of hard liqueur
The majority of the time, this handle of alcohol is disgusting because it's so cheap.
But you're young, have no money and frankly don't care. All you want to do is forget and numb the pain that is your broken heart because you will never love again.
The ultimatum breakup
Whoop, this one is a doozie.
This is a make it or break it type of decision, and guess what? They broke it.
You gave them an ultimatum, and you weren't picked. Your world is crashing down.
I mean, how could they not choose you? Do they not know what they are missing? How could they?
Let it all out, honey.
Drink of choice: Fireball or whiskey
You need something strong! You need be able to feel that burn in your chest when you take that shot because you are pissed!
This betrayal hurts, and the burning simulates the hell you're about to raise.
They cheated, so it's over breakup
You've been cheated on. You've been betrayed on the ultimate level.
You gave your all, and they had the nerve to stray.
Drink of choice: shots of tequila — lots of them
To sum up this picture, your name is Lil Jon, and you're yelling, "Shots!" in the middle of the club, all while giving zero fucks.
You've been burned on the highest level, and you're drinking to forget. Pretty soon, the tequila starts working.
Before you know it, shots turn into body shots, and you're letting that fine looking thing in the corner buy you your next round.
