I Made A Custom Sex Toy For My Fiancée & It Was A Mess

Imagine the prospect of being able to clone a penis. Pretty terrifying, right? The idea of turning your own appendage into a Frankenstein composite is something that should be subject to discussion before such a procedure is ever made possible. But here I am, boastfully announcing that I have effectively cloned my own actual, flesh-and-blood penis. I guess I should first clarify that the act of cloning my penis isn't nearly as scientific as I'm making it seem. I used Clone-A-Willy to make a mold of my penis for my fiancée, as I wanted to surprise her with an unconventional present. I think it’s safe to say I succeeded.

Rather than actually cloning anything, what I've done can more accurately be described as turning my penis into a dildo. The Portland-based company Clone-A-Willy has a DIY dildo mold kit that lets you create an exact replica of your penis and then turn it into a personalized vibrating toy for your partner, all for under $50. Their products are made with 100% platinum cure medical-grade silicone and come in nine different color options, and here’s the best part: creating your own penis mold is like a high school science experiment… except you won’t be graded at the end.

The kit arrived in a cylindrical package, which included a rolled-up mat of instructions, a container of transparent goop, a container of neon goop, a beaker, a thermometer, a sealed bag of powder, and last but not least, a vibrator. After I studied each of the ingredients, I started putting together my masterpiece. As per the instructions, here's how I did it.

• Cut tube to match the length of your erect penis, plus half an inch.

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of leaving that half-inch of space at the end.

• Tape around the edge of the tube. This will be pressed against your body so you want it to be smooth.

Easy. Next!

• Measure 3/4 cup of hot water to pour into a large mixing bowl.

Technically, the water is supposed to be 90°F, but I pulled an amateur move and just measured out some hot water, hoping for the best.

• Start your timer. Cut open the bag of white molding powder, pour it into the bowl of water and start mixing. Stir no longer than 60 seconds.

This is where things get pretty scary because now it's all, like, scientific and stuff.

• Pour the mixture into the molding tube. While standing, quickly insert your penis before two minutes is up.

Here’s where things went a bit awry for me. When I poured the mixture into the molding tube, I must have taken too long, because my mixture hardened too quickly and I missed my erection window of opportunity. Oops.

Here is some evidence of my failure:

• Press the tube against your body. The molding gel will completely solidify in about two more minutes.

Luckily, my second attempt to make a decent mold was more successful.

• Once the mold has gelled, remove your penis while leaving the mold inside the tube. To get the most detail, let this sit for four hours before moving on.

Yes, I did, in fact, wait the full four hours.

• Mix the two jars of silicone together in a clean, disposable container. Use the wooden stick to get all of the silicone out and mix for at least two minutes.

I can’t even tell you how excited I was to finally use that neon glue. After grabbing a disposable container, I mixed the thick, slimy silicone together. I timed myself for two minutes until the ingredients were blended into neon pink gunk.

• Pour out any water that has accumulated in the bottom of your mold and slowly pour in the silicone.

Though it took forever, pouring the molasses-like substance into the mold was not unlike watching the slime fall as the credits rolled in the Goosebumps series.

• Cut a small “X” in the center of a small piece of cardboard. Push the vibrator through the cut until only the screw cap sticks out one end.

Easy enough. Done.

• Insert the silicone and cardboard assembly into the center of the filled mold so that the cardboard rests flat against the top of the tube.

This part was fun. And by “fun,” I mean horrible. As instructed, I slowly poured the neon pink mixture into the mold, filling it to the tip. This was a mistake. By not allowing space for the vibrator to be added, my mold overflowed with this thick pink gunk when I inserted it. It poured all over my hands and onto my kitchen table. I desperately tried washing my hands, but since this was silicone I was dealing with, it didn't work. I went as far as to scrub my hand with steel wool until I discovered that coconut oil was the best remedy. Needless to say, this kit should definitely include gloves.

• Wait 24 hours before removing your finished dildo from the mold.

It was time for the big reveal. After 24 hours had passed, I wiggled and pulled the dildo out with all my might. Though the detail was incredible, the results were overall a little disappointing, as it had been difficult to maintain an erection during the molding gel phase. I wish the process allowed for more time to mix the mold and get sufficiently erect before it hardened. If that were the case, I'd be much more pleased with my results.

So now that it's all said and done, was the result worth all the trouble?

In a space where personalization is virtually non-existent, I love the personal touch that Clone-A-Willy offers prospective buyers. Though the process was admittedly tedious (my own failures prove this fact), the result was a moderate success. But just moderate.

To be fair, prior to getting started the kit does tell you that this process is exponentially easier if your partner's present. But since this was a gift for my partner, I didn't want her to know I was tossing my penis into what felt like wet cement.

The finished product was actually a lot more solid than I would've expected, both in theory and actuality. When I gave it to my fiancée, she was thrilled but she said it was harder than she would've liked. However, for something so personal and effective, I’d say the very fair retail price of $49.95 is worth it.

Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.