Welcome to Ask Auntie Gigi, a weekly advice column where Elite Daily's senior sex writer Gigi Engle answers your most burning sex questions.
Sexual health and wellness is extremely important in healthy relationships. But it's often a taboo topic. Auntie Gigi is on a mission to overcome the stigma and help you become the most informed, sexually knowledgeable person you can be.
We'll be exploring everything from anal and threesomes to sex toys and foreplay. No subject is too taboo. No subject is taboo, PERIOD. This is a forum to explore your deepest desires and have your questions answered fully and with plenty of sass.
Information is the key to sexual satisfaction and Auntie Gigi is here to help!
Question from the reader:
Dear Gigi,
I'm not a fan of blowjobs. I often gag and just find the experience to be awkward. I love when my boyfriend goes down on me, but I don't like giving back. I feel bad because we both love oral sex. What can I do to enjoy blowjobs?
Best, Molly
Dear Molly,
Blowjobs be damned, amiright?! I f*cking LOVE me a good blowjob question. Bless you, my child. Let's chat.
When it comes to blowjobs, not every woman is gung-ho or rah-rah for blowjobs. The truth is, you're not going to come from blowing this dude, so it can feel more like an obligatory task than a sexy form of foreplay.
A lot of us are not about that life. I hear you, girl.
A lot of factors can elicit these feelings of discomfort, but there are a distinct few I'd like to address. I think they'll offer up some clarity.
Firstly, giving head is an intimate experience. If you're not with someone who makes you feel completely comfortable, it can feel forced and weird to go down on them.
Second, ask yourself about your past blowjob experiences. Have you felt better about giving blowjobs in the past, or are these feelings of discomfort the norm? If you can identify the source of your feelings, it can help you figure out how to make giving your boyfriend a blowjob easier and more enjoyable for you.
Lastly, you need to be in the right frame of mind to enjoy giving a blowjob. You need to feel confident and SEXY. This takes communication within your relationship. I talk about communication a lot because it is SO F*CKING IMPORTANT.
If you don't love giving head, you should be able to talk about this with your boyfriend. You should NOT be giving blowjobs out of guilt or because of pressure from your partner.
That being said, if your partner giving you a lot of head, it's only fair that you'd want to return the favor. You're not OBLIGATED to suck the dick just because he licked the clit, but if you care about someone, you want to make that person feel good. I get that sh*t. The struggle is real, yo.
Here's a hot tip from Auntie G and one that I've found to really help betwixt the sheets:
Try some lingerie that makes you feel really hot. Lingerie isn't really for your man; it is for YOU. Pick something that makes you feel really empowered and sexual. It will help you take control of the whole blowjob power dynamic.
Now that we have that sh*t out of the way, we can get to the FUN stuff. Let's talk about nature's cockblock: the goddamn gag reflex.
You want to give a little head and then all of the sudden your throat is like, “LOL. F*ck you.” It's impossible to love an activity that makes you want to throw up. It ain't fun.
But there are ways to help alleviate your gag reflex -- at least somewhat. It's all about technique. So here are a couple of choice tips from the Auntie Gigi's vault:
You do not have to deep-throat like a f*cking porn star. As fun as that sounds (said no one), you do not have to swallow the D while giving a blowjob. You don't have to shove this foreign object down your throat to be “good” at giving head. Don't believe the hype. That sh*t is not realistic.
(And if he says otherwise, f*ck him).
So, you gotta use your hands! Use your hands to mimic what your mouth is doing from the base to mid-shaft. That way, you have to put only as much of the wang in your mouth that you're comfortable with. It's like you're creating one giant hand-mouth.
Be sure to add as much spit as you can to the whole experience. The wetter, the better.
And if your boyfriend wants you to deep-throat like some chick on RedTube, let him know that this is how it's going to be, because you're not trying to feel nauseated during foreplay.
Now, if you DO want to deep-throat and NOT vomit, there are ways to do this. Keep in mind that if your gag reflex is ULTRA sensitive, this may not work for you. Trial and error. It's just a part of life.
When you take him into your mouth, don't psych yourself out. Focus on relaxing the back of your throat so that it can easily slide back. If you still find yourself gagging, just take the D out again.
Instead of giving your man head on your knees, have him lie on his back. When on your knees, his D will automatically hit the back of your throat, making you gag.
If he's on his back, you can take the dick straight down. It's all about that straight angle. This will help alleviate some of your discomfort. Listen, Molls, if it is still awful, just stop after a few minutes and move into sex.
If you put in the effort, you've really done your part. Don't force yourself and make yourself sick. Nothing will kill a boner faster than some unsolicited puke.
Last, but certainly not least, HANDLE THOSE BALLS, MA!
While you're using one hand to jack him off, pay attention to his balls. MASSAGE those little f*ckers. Nothing will make a man forget he wants a blowjob faster than receiving a loving tug on his nutsack.
Just remember some wisdom from good ol' Auntie G: One of the fun things about sex is that you can try a lot of different sh*t. If something works for you, that's clutch. If it doesn't, just don't do that thing again. Don't pressure yourself.
We're all here to have an orgasm, not to be miserable. Live your life, girl, and do what makes you happy. If blowjobs end up being an occasional activity, that's all right.
You're a f*cking trooper for trying. Life is too short for nausea where you should be coming your face off.
Yours in lust, XOXO Auntie Gigi
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