So, How Long Does It Actually Take To Fall In Love?

You just started dating someone new. The relationship is in its infancy stage, but you’re already envisioning your future together because you ~know~ in your gut that you’ve found the love of your life. Amid all the excitement, though, you may wonder: How long does it actually take to fall in love? For instance, can you really fall in love in a month? A week? And is love at first sight even possible? Here, Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, Ph.D., a tenured professor at California State University Fullerton and relationship coach at luvbites.co, and Christie Kederian, Ph.D., a psychotherapist, relationship expert, and dating coach, answer these questions and more.

Can You Fall In Love In A Month?

To answer this, it’s important first to know how you define love, as it is subjective for each person, Kederian says. If you define “love” as attraction, then Suwinyattichaiporn says yes, you can fall in love in a month. “Physical attraction can be an instant thing for a lot of people, and within a month, depending on how much time you spend together, you can definitely grow attraction to various aspects of that person such as personality, spirituality, career, and passion,” she says. “All of this encompasses ‘falling in love.’”

No matter how you define love, though, Kederian adds that it’s often difficult even for couples who are already in love to identify the precise moment it happened because it is more of a process rather than a singular moment. So while someone may feel like they’ve fallen in love with someone in a month, they may be confusing that feeling with attraction, lust, or infatuation. Being truly in love, she says, is more than just a feeling — it’s a commitment.

Can You Fall In Love In A Week?

Again, it depends on how you define love. “If love is being attracted to one another, then yes, you can,” Suwinyattichaiporn says. “Is it truly a stable concept of long-term love? Probably not.” Kederian adds that some people may feel like they experienced love at first sight, but it’s more likely that they experienced a dopamine rush and call it “love” because it felt intense and sudden rather than gradual.

Can You Fall In Love Long-Distance?

Suwinyattichaiporn and Kederian agree that falling in love while dating long-distance is possible because love is about emotional and spiritual intimacy rather than solely physical touch. Thus, you can still develop a very strong bond even if you live miles apart.

Falling In Love Quickly Vs. Over Time

So, is falling in love fast a bad thing? Not necessarily. Suwinyattichaiporn says it’s not about how long it takes to fall in love but about being mindful of the behaviors that come with it. For instance, falling in love quickly can be considered a bad thing if it’s accompanied by love bombing (i.e., when one partner showers the other with affection as a form of manipulation) or losing your identity.

That said, Kederian notes that in most cases, it’s best to get to know someone consistently over some time (at least a few months) via physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental connection. This allows enough time to fall in love with the person and not just the idea of them, one aspect of them, or the version of themselves that they showed up as in the beginning of the relationship.

Still, Suwinyattichaiporn says there isn’t a right answer for how long it should take to fall in love because everyone is different. Some people may fall in love quickly, and others may need more time. Both paces can result in a long-lasting partnership.

Suwinyattichaiporn and Kederian also point out that how fast someone falls in love also depends on the person’s attachment style, which refers to their behavior pattern in relationships. For example, “If someone has an anxious attachment style, they can tend to attach and emotionally invest in someone very quickly,” Kederian says. “If they are more avoidant in their attachment style, it can take a longer period of time to connect and fall in love.”

Besides the obvious signs of being in love (undeniable attraction, thinking about them when they’re not around, and enjoying spending time together, notes Suwinyattichaiporn), you’ll know that you’re truly in love with someone when the relationship is about more than how you connect. Instead, Kederian says you know you really love someone when you can sacrifice for them, as in putting their needs before your own. Suwinyattichaiporn adds that this can look like doing nice things for your partner and being willing to compromise and find solutions when conflicts arise. That is true love.