Here’s How To Slow Down A Relationship If You Think It’s Moving Too Fast

When a relationship moves too quickly, it’s not uncommon for it to happen so fast that, once you realize you’ve gone past the place you’re comfortable, you may be left wondering how you even got there in the first place. Grace Lee, co-founder of A Good First Date Online, tells Elite Daily it’s usually because it’s so easy to get caught up the chemistry of a new relationship. “The euphoria that sets in blinds [you] from asking important questions, because if you're seeing somebody everyday, there isn't time to really think about what's happening,” she says.

Lee adds that it can also happen when you’re not on the same page about how committed you both are. “A relationship also feels fast when one person becomes a de facto girlfriend [or] boyfriend without really saying that it's their intention.”

Chris Armstrong, founder of the relationship coaching company Maze of Love, tells Elite Daily that this feeling can also happen when it’s going really well between the two of you, or better than expected. “When we walk into a relationship with lower expectations and things are going swimmingly, it can feel like too much, too soon — largely because we walked in with low expectations,” he says. Armstrong adds that feeling like the relationship is developing too quickly can be a result of the other person wanting more intimacy than you are ready for.

You may feel guilt or pressure to speed things up for the sake of the other person's feelings. The experts say to resist that urge, because not only is it OK to take things at your own pace, but it's also necessary. “If the relationship is moving too fast in the eyes of any or both partners, slowing down is necessary to take stock, re-establish a more comfortable pace, and ensure both people move forward with an understanding of where each other is at,” Armstrong says. “Not doing these three things will ensure that the relationship is doomed.”

If you feel like you are rushing, that should be a sign on its own to take a beat and reflect. “Imagine feeling rushed but never taking stock to understand where that feeling comes from,” Armstrong continues. “Worse, imagine never sharing your feelings with your partner. They will continue moving at a different pace and with a different set of beliefs and expectations about where the relationship is and where it is headed. Not good.”

Beginning a relationship slowly is generally the safest bet for success, according to the experts. “No matter what pace you’re set for, it is always a win-win strategy to start out slow, especially in the beginning stages of a relationship,” matchmaker and dating coach Lori Salkin tells Elite Daily. “Rushing or progressing to activities that are more appropriate for a more mature relationship before the proper foundation is laid can cause confusion, wariness, or even distrust.”

Taking the time to get to know someone’s ins and outs can be a lengthy process — but a healthy one. “We all feel unsure of ourselves in the awkward and insecure space of getting to know someone," Megan Murphy, a psychotherapist at LGBTQ-inclusive practice Expansive Therapy, previously told Elite Daily. "Allowing yourself be in this space gives you the time to understand all that is arising within you, as well as help clarify what you really want.”

When you feel like things are moving too fast, it’s time to do something about it. The first step, Armstrong says, is to understand what part of the relationship needs more space. Consider mentally breaking the relationship into three parts: physical, intellectual, and emotional. “[It] is key to know why one or both partners feels like things are moving too fast,” explains Armstrong.

Once you have a better idea of where the problem lies, all that's left is to talk to your partner about how you’re feeling. “[Say] something simple like, ‘I love spending time with you, but things that start fast end fast, and I'd love to slow it down so that we have time to get to know each other. I still really want to date and see you, but I think I need a little more time,’” suggests Lee. Once you’ve had that conversation, Armstrong adds that you should also have follow-up conversations as the relationship progresses. “It becomes vital to check in with the partner who is uncomfortable,” he says.

In any stage of a relationship, everyone involved should be on the same page when it comes to feelings and commitment. If one of you wants to take things fast and progress the relationship quickly, but the other doesn’t, things are bound to get messy. “If someone needs something more than what you can offer them in this moment, it is best to be completely transparent about that,” relationship coach Shula Melamed, MA, MPH, previously told Elite Daily. “If you aren't, it will end up becoming an issue down the line and cause more pain for them and for you.”