I want to talk about something that no one ever wants to talk about: how WILDLY expensive it is to be a girl in the modern dating world.

Are you attracted to girls with bouncy, shiny hair? Well, honey, that bouncy, shiny hair with the honey-blonde highlights costs her at least $150 every single time she gets her hair done... which is at least every eight weeks (maybe six if she takes vitamins and has a healthy diet).

Shiny, gel nails that shine like the sun at midday? Black, luscious eyelashes that look like majestic venus flytraps? A pristine complexion?

Gorgeously smooth legs waxed by a professional? Eyebrows arched to perfection? Lingerie that makes me look and feel like a prized show dog? Fab clothes?

Do you think all of this happens by magic baby?

No, I did not wake up like this. I do not wake up in the morning with sparkly highlighter dabbed on the tops of my cheekbones and eyelashes for days.

In fact, I wake up with a brutal lion's nest of hair tangled in clumps at my shoulders. I wake up so pale, I look like I'm sick with jaundice.

But you know what? I still like getting glammed up. I like feeling sexy. And generally, the people I date are drawn to women like me.

Do you know how much it costs me to get ready for this date? More than two glasses of Sauvignon Blanc.

And I appreciate the fact that the people I date seem to enjoy my beauty efforts. It works for both of us.

However, honey, it's time to get real about something: This shit is not only time consuming; it costs money.

So, I think men should pay for the first date.

Do you know how much it costs me to get ready for this date? A helluva lot more than two glasses of Sauvignon Blanc and some shared appetizers, OK?

I did my part by getting glammed the fuck out, so do your part by paying the bill, baby.

I did my part by getting glammed the fuck out, so do your part by paying the bill, baby.

And hey, if you want to split the bill, that's fine.

Just don't try and date glam girls like me. Date a girl who wears no makeup (and I mean really no makeup, not just "natural-looking" makeup), doesn't get her hair done and doesn't wear lace lingerie either.

I'm not shaming those girls — they're fierce doing their own thing.

But if you want to date the lady who puts time and money into her appearance, you need to do your part and pay for the first date.

After all, relationships are a two-way street. I did my part. Now, it's time to do yours.