Why I Would Rather Date Someone Who Gives Me Space Than Attention

According to the Internet, the way to a girl’s heart is to overwhelm her with attention and affection.

The boyfriends and SOs who get praised the most are the ones who send sweet text messages every morning and treat their girlfriends like princesses. What’s more, anyone who doesn’t fit the “perfect boyfriend” mold is often indirectly scolded.

Women will joke about getting angry when their boyfriends for taking too long to respond to a text, or if they forget about the anniversary of their third dinner date. But, I tend to think these women aren’t completely joking.

A lot of people are truly happiest in relationships when they’re shown continual and unfailing TLC, and I understand that to an extent. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel appreciated.

However, these kinds of every-waking-moment relationships are a major turn-off for someone like me, who really values independence.

Honestly, given the choice between a relationship where I am smothered with attention, and a relationship where my SO gives me space, I’d pick the latter every time. Let me explain why.

First of all, people who are extremely forward at the start of a relationship overwhelm me.

The way I see it, going from “zero to 100 real quick” is only acceptable in Drake lyrics, not real-life relationships. If I’ve been single for a while, and all of a sudden someone wants to spend every minute with me, it’s pretty off-putting.

I’m the type of person who’s actually really comfortable spending time alone, so I don’t need someone breathing down my neck every minute.

In fact, I prefer to have a little “me time” now and then. When a SO doesn’t understand that, I start to wonder if he's comfortable with himself.

If someone needs me in his life 24/7 in order to feel important or validated, then he's not the person for me.

Not to mention, if I just met a guy recently, and he seemingly can’t leave me alone, I begin to question his motives. I mean, you barely know me. How do you even know you like me?

In my opinion, one conversation (even if it gets pretty deep) or one date (even if it gets intimate) is no where near enough time to decide if two people are a good match for each other.

I like to start every relationship, romantic or otherwise, by disclosing and getting closer in small doses. I need time to think for myself and decide whether or not this person is right for me. If I don’t have any alone time because this person won’t give me any space, then it’s not going to work out.

By this point, you’re probably thinking, “Okay, she doesn’t like overwhelming attention and affection, so what does she like?” I like people who integrate themselves into my life slowly and let me think.

I like people who allow me the prerogative of self-disclosing at a slow rate.

I like people who don’t guilt-trip me when I have other plans.

I understand not everyone shares my inclinations, but we’re all entitled to pursue relationships in our own way.

I don’t think my preference for a little emotional distance makes me a bitch, and I don’t think it makes me rude.

Sometimes, it just takes me a while to let my guard down, and I want my partners to understand and respect that. When someone forces me to be 100 percent available for him all the time, it’s a major turn-off, especially when I’m still trying to decide if I like him or not.

Relationships are about sharing your life with another person, so let’s not forget about that other person’s boundaries.