7 Ways To Move On And Fully Recover From An All-Consuming Love
It happens to the best of us. You instantly vibe with a person, and next thing you know, your entire world revolves around him or her.
The relationship flies from Grey Goose to serious city in no time.
Every decision, conversation and breath you take is based entirely on this one amazing person — constant texts, calls and uninhibited, raw sex. Anything else in life is simply an interruption of your time together.
Then, one day it’s over, and you’re left gutted in the world you built entirely around the person.
There's no use crying to your friends; they are long since gone.
Maybe you should have seen it coming when Britney Spears broke up with a dude with the same name or the 500 times he cheated on you. Hindsight is 20/20, and when you’re so blinded by love, it’s impossible to see straight.
Science has proven that romantic love causes the same brain responses as drug addiction. The brain releases the same neurochemicals, like oxytocin and dopamine, that person hooked on H craves.
Addicktion and vagdiction are real conditions. This explains loving a chronically gassy man with a surgically corrected penis.
Blame it on oxytocin, which could easily be mispronounced oxycodone. Or tell everyone you were high on dope-amine.
While science backs up your behavior, your friends, family, bills and career path don’t give a shit, darlin’.
You went off the deep end and have nothing to show for it but a ton of social media posts to delete, and possibly, a few seashells.
There's no way around it. You blew through your own life like a category-four hurricane and have major rebuilding to do. Here's how to get over an all-consuming love:
Distract Yourself
Wallowing is easy to do; it's akin to an addict jonesing for another fix. You’ll want to lie in bed giving into anxiety, depression and delirious thoughts of reconciliation. Don’t do it!
Okay, you’ll do it for a while, but honestly, try everything to avoid it. The metaphorical track marks will take time to heal, and staring at them does you no good.
Instead, dive into your own recovery. Look at what you’ve done and where you are. Yes, that other person is still out there living his or her life and that’s okay.
The truth is, it no longer affects you. Although, you may not yet have the mental clarity to understand and accept that; that comes with time.
It takes a lot of work and will to distract yourself, but you must. Jump into projects, hit the gym, go to movies, blast music, read books, hell, learn a foreign language.
Every cloud is shaped like your ex, every movie is somehow symbolic of your entire relationship and every song reminds you deeply of him or her. Push through and keep going until that stops.
Slap A Cease And Desist Order On All Communication
Change his or her name in your cell to the honest truth, like “Letdown Manbitch,” “AZ SheDevil,” or “Ungood Person.”
Bonus life hack: Your smartphone will make this name change in your email as well! No one wants to reach out or respond to “Crooked Penis Liar.”
Don’t stop there. BLOCK THEM! This is crucial. You’ve already given this person a substantial portion of your life, and you are never getting that back.
That’s a done deal. All you have is from this moment forward. Time is non-refundable and you only live once.
You legitimately loved this person at one point, but no good will come of leaving the gates of communication open. He or she will call or text at the worst possible times.
Inevitably this person will pop up when you’re having a horrible day, heading into a dream job interview or out on a great first date.
Really? You came all this way for that?
Brutal truth: If you leave the gates of communication open, you leave yourself open to some pretty messed up head games.
Nothing says I love you like a text reading, “I’m laying here next to her and thinking of you.”
Or, as if your team shutting themselves out of the Super Bowl isn’t hard enough, this idiot has to send his or her condolences.
He or she is not sorry for breaking your heart, but is sorry your sports team lost.
Block him or her in your phone. Delete him or from your social media. Delete old texts, voicemails, emails and DMs. Delete. Delete. Delete. Let it end here and now. Stop picking the scab.
Own It
The circumstances that led you here are irrelevant. You’re here. You’ve loved. You’ve lost.
Somewhere in the middle, you forgot who you were and where you were going. Now you’re butt hurt and your life is a disaster in every which way. Own it.
Sit down and take stock of things. Keep in mind this isn’t a pity party or the self-hate parade. This is assessing the wreckage before you begin clearing the debris.
Who have you hurt? What opportunities have you blown? What effects has this had on your finances, education and career?
What can you salvage? What can you rebuild? What do you have to let go of? Where do you go from here?
Make Amends
One thing Sylvester Stallone taught us in the "Expendable" series is no matter what happens in a friendship, you need to make it right.
Your friends are vital to your quality of life, your person and even your career track.
Plus, you never know when you’ll need to assemble an all-star team to battle violent evil-doers.
Everyone’s life is better when Harrison Ford shows up and drops F-bombs like a boss.
Science says it’s an addiction, and that makes you a recovering addict. Take the steps in order to get yourself back on the up and up.
You’ve owned up to having a problem and now is the time to start making amends.
Be ready for the pain of low blows and brutal honesty. The thing with having high caliber friends is they are honest, smart people.
They’ll have the self-integrity to tell you they’re done with you in their lives. It sucks.
It’s a raw hurt at an awful time, but you have to respect their choice and move on.
Don’t stop at your friends. Reach out to all valued relationships that may have been impacted. Bear in mind there are some cases when an apology does more harm than good.
Now that you’re clean, you have some clarity to make these calls.
Become A Practitioner Of Gratitude
It may be forced and contrived to begin with, but now is the exact time to start practicing an attitude of gratitude.
Make a list of every damn thing in the history of ever that you are grateful for. Write until your hand cramps and gives out, and then write some more.
In the mornings before your feet hit the floor, reflect on what you’re grateful for. No matter the experience or situation, find something to be grateful within it.
There is always, always, always something to be grateful for.
This gratitude will be your saving grace in the unexplainable, silent hell after a love like that comes to an end. It’ll also be your lifeline back from the world of the undead.
It's a clichéd, hippie ideal, but practicing gratitude is key to getting your life back.
Don’t Reconstruct The Situation
It’s fairly normal, if not healthy, to rebound. Practice safe sex and human interaction. Don’t go out expecting to find a love to replace or one-up this last one.
It’s incredibly cruel to expect another person to be the better version of your ex so you “win.”
If you’re in the mindset of winning or losing, you’re still caught up in the mindf*cking game.
Love isn’t a game or battlefield, and until you understand that, life will continue to suck.
There aren’t life condoms to protect people from you splooging your issues all over them.
Never Feel Stupid For Loving
You can feel stupid for all the damage you’ve done in your life, but never, even for a second, feel stupid for loving someone.
You’ve done plenty in your love-drunk binder to feel stupid for, but loving isn’t on that list. Love is the incredible driving force that makes this life worth living.
That person wasn’t right for you. There is no future for you two.
You’ve created a disaster and feel like you’re bleeding out all alone. It sucks. But don’t feel stupid for loving.
Truth is, you got to feel love on a level that few people ever will. Sure, you went a little Britney ’07 meets Charlie Sheen ’11, but you got to experience a true (for you), deep, all-encompassing love.
Don’t feel stupid for that. Don’t go cold. There’s more love to be had. Different love. Healthy love. Non-codependent love. Love deserving of you.
