Pamela And Tommy’s Relationship Timeline Is As Intense As It Gets

Anderson and Lee first crossed paths at Sanctuary, a supper club on the Sunset Strip. According to Lee’s account in Mötley Crüe’s memoir Dirt, he was under the influence that night, having taken ecstasy and drunk Cristal and Goldschläger, per The New York Post.

According to the outlet, Anderson’s recollection of their first meeting went something like this: “He came up, grabbed me and licked my face. I thought he was a cool, friendly, nice guy. I gave him my number,” she said during a 1995 interview with Movieline magazine.

Six weeks after meeting and talking on the phone, the duo finally connected. Of course, they had to get over a few road bumps before their first date. Apparently, after Anderson had arranged to meet Lee at a hotel, she completely forgot about it. Lee recalled the sitch, per Rolling Stone, “I left messages at her pad, at her friends’ houses, everywhere. I was hunting her down like a little f*cking stalker..” — Um, yikes — “Finally, just before 10 p.m., Pamela picked up the phone. She wasn’t even at the hotel; she was at home.”

During their call, Anderson realized her scheduling mishap and explained that she couldn’t see him anymore; she was headed to Cancun for work. Although Anderson told him, “Don’t even think about coming,” he followed her there. They got drinks at Señor Frog’s, a classic spring break locale. Four days later, they got married and opted to get each other’s names tattooed around their ring fingers.

Married and back from Mexico, Anderson and Lee’s romance was instantly tested by the public’s (and Anderson’s family’s) reaction. In his words, “It was like we had gone from the total-freedom paradise of Cancún to this hellish prison of Hollywood Babylon.”

That same month, Rand Gauthier, an electrician working on Lee’s home was fired. Per Glamour, after being told to “get the f*ck off [Lee’s] property,” Gauthier decided to get revenge. He stole the couple’s honeymoon sex tape, made copies of the video, and sold them.

According to Us Weekly, Lee brought up the tape’s impact on their marriage during a 20/20 interview in 2014. “Not being able to do anything … about [the sex tape] was adding so much frustration and stress to our relationship. It was just consuming us.” (The new Pam & Tommy Hulu show focuses on this scandal.)

Anderson and Lee had two children together, sons Brandon Thomas Lee (born in June 1996) and Dylan Jagger Lee (born in Dec. 1997). The adjustment to parenthood wasn’t an easy one. Apparently, following the birth of Dylan, Lee felt like he was no longer a priority in his marriage to Anderson: “I was full-on non-existent. And I couldn’t deal with that.”

Anderson called the police after a violent altercation, in which Lee allegedly kicked her backside while she was holding their son Dylan. Anderson was left bruised after the incident, and she filed for divorce a few days later.

In May 1998, Lee pleaded no contest to felony spousal battery and was sentenced to six months in jail. At the time, the judge in the case said of the case, “What I see here is a very clear — very disturbing, in my judgment — pattern of conduct in which otherwise resolvable matters are handled by violence... That’s intolerable in any kind of civilized society.”

Anderson seemed happy about the result. “I’m very proud of Tommy. I’m happy he took responsibility for this. And I think it’s the first step towards healing,” she said at the time. Yet in Dirt, published in 2001, Lee seemed to have a different perspective on what went down.

“I couldn’t understand why Pamela had followed through with pressing charges. She was probably scared and thought I was some crazy, violent monster; she probably thought she was doing the right thing for the kids; and she probably wanted an easy way out of a difficult situation,” he wrote. (Um, that sounds like he knows exactly why she pressed charges?!) “As much as I loved Pamela, she had a problem dealing with things,” Lee added.

Just to make things crystal clear: there is nothing “easy” about being kicked by your spouse, and her decision to press charges has no bearing on her ability to “deal with things” — particularly “things” like domestic violence.

Although the couple divorced in 1998, they got back together in 2005 — at least, according to Lee. He told People, “We’re crazy in love. We’re going to take things slowly and see where they go.” (Anderson, for her part, said they were not together at the time.)

Still, Lee maintained that they were one happy family again. “The boys miss Pam and me together. When we’re together, they’re so happy,” he claimed. “At the end of the day, that’s truly what my heart wants. I want us all to be together.”

Anderson and Lee gave their romance one more shot in 2008. At the time, Lee told Rolling Stone, “We’ve only given it a try 800 times — 801, here we go.” He added, “Pamela and the kids have moved in with me. It’s awesome. It’s definitely working. You can see it on the kids’ faces — they’re happy when we’re together.”

It didn’t work for long though. The duo went their separate ways once more in 2010.

“There was Tommy and then there was nobody else,” Anderson said of their romance People in 2015. “He was the love of my life. We had a wild and crazy beginnings that was too much for both of us.”

She added, “We’re good friends...There’s a connection there that will always be.”

In March 2018, Brandon (Anderson and Lee’s son) allegedly knocked his father out. And that Father’s Day, the drummer reflected on his relationship to his children: “I love them dearly, don’t get me wrong, but man, sometimes it’s really tough to watch your kids grow up without those morals.” (He also blamed Anderson for “enabling” their bad behavior.)

In a blog post titled, “Alcoholism Is The Devil,” Anderson seemingly responded to Lee’s comments. She called her ex “the definition of narcissist/sociopath,” and wrote, “I pray Tommy gets the help he needs. His actions are desperate and humiliating. He is a disaster spinning out of control, and he is not acting like a father. But this is nothing new.”

In Nov. 2021, however, both Anderson and Lee attended the opening of Brandon’s Local Authority: Swingers Club.