We've Traded Board Games For Dating Games And No One's F*cking Winning

Besides checkers, chess and Monopoly, I’m not one for games. I don’t like losing, and I definitely don’t like strategizing. I don’t like the idea of someone playing or calculating moves around me.

I hate that going on dates means knowing someone is trying to play me. Whether it’s to win me over or to win over me, I just don’t like it.

There’s no denying, however, that a few games are necessary. Not all games, but some. We’re simple creatures and can’t deny psychology. We like things because we can’t have them — we’re drawn to the unattainable and elusive.

But what does that really say about us? Let's be honest here. If people weren’t contacting you, you’d be more worried about what it said about you than them.

We’re so damn scared of rejection that we confuse it for attraction. We’re so scared of being ignored that we become obsessed with the attention before the person.

We fall so hard for the psychological traps of “hard to get” and "uninterested" that we can’t even see the people setting the traps. We probably don’t even like them; we just refuse to let them not like us.

If people told you they loved you after two days, you’d be more freaked out than turned on. There’s a certain level of honesty we respect, and then there’s just crazy.

There’s a certain level of game play we expect, and then there’s just uninterested. Or, if they are interested and just playing games to play them, it’s f*cking annoying and a waste of everyone’s time.

Because life is too short to waste with games that don't make sense with rules that no one understands. Nothing is wrong with playing a little hard to get, but the sh*t we've come up with just seems like a bunch of factory reject board games.

The “Waiting To Respond To Their Text” Game

There are two players. The first player texts first. The second player can either respond or not respond. If he chooses not to respond, he forfeits his turn and either risks his chance for another turn or gets a double text from the first player — and bonus needy points.

If he does respond, he risks losing cool points or gains access to the second round. It’s a game of risk and luck and, most times, the dealer always loses.

The “Excessive Social Media” Game

This is a new game with new technology. It takes as many players as you can find and can involve nudity, drinking and poking. It can either turn the second player on or very, very off. Score is usually kept with "like" points.

The “Holding Out” Game

This game involves strategy and skill. If the first player makes a move, but the second player doesn’t, there is a stalemate — where the first player usually stays until the second player gives out.

During this time, the second player can employ other positions and gain extra points. If he holds out too long, however, the first player could get bored and quit.

The “Be Too Busy” Game

This is a one-player game in which there is no winner. You could play for days and still never get to the end. It usually involves a second player dropping out or forfeiting after waiting too long for his turn.

The “Flirting With Other People In Front Of Them” Game

This is a multiplayer game (even though it’s ideal for two). The more players that get involved, the more complicated it gets and harder it is to keep track of points.

One player usually ends up dropping out from pure frustration or finds a new person to play another game with.

The "Playing Dumb" Game

This is when players act like they don’t know how to play the game to get you to think they will be an easy win. This is a form of hustling, and it’s usually pretty damn obvious.

Unfortunately for the player playing dumb, the other player usually wants someone smarter.

The "I'm Not Looking For A Relationship" Game

This game is a lot like bullsh*t. It’s about holding on to your cards the longest and not letting anyone see.

It’s about how well you can lie and deceive, however, if you play the game too well, you’re just going to end up alone with all the cards.

The "Talking About Exes" Game

This involves a ghost player who comes out at special occasions or strategically planned events. He is usually used to knock the second player down, but runs the risk of costing you the game.

The "Keeping Score" Game

This is a game in which points are everything, but they really mean nothing. Players go point for point trying to one up the other. Unfortunately, having more points doesn’t guarantee a win.

The "Pretend You Don’t Like The Games" Game

This is the worst game there is. It involves players who act like they don’t want to play, yet use every chance they get to score on you. They act like they’re too old for games, but cry when they lose.