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4 Common Relationship Insecurities That Are Completely Normal

Every relationship has comfort levels that loosen up over time. In the very beginning of a relationship, you're both still trying to figure one another out.

There's shyness, hesitation and moments of feeling unsure about how to handle certain things. It's a process of building trust.

Either of you may feel insecure about specific things. They can be things like letting them see you without makeup or being in the bathroom at the same time as you.

They may even feel uncomfortable about having you over to their place or driving their car when they aren't with you.

There are any number of things a person in a new relationship may be hesitant about, and that's OK. We aren't all built the same way, and we don't all have the same views on everything.

Maybe they don't invite you over because they're a bit of a mess and doesn't want you to see that side of them yet.

They might have severe OCD, and maybe they're afraid you'll look at them like they're crazy when they freak out a little because you put that wine glass right on the end table instead of on a coaster.

The fact is, it's easier early on to just avoid that situation all together, especially when you don't really know someone.

What if you have a negative reaction? It can make for a pretty awkward or uncomfortable moment.

Yes, of course there should come a time when you've both been to the other's place. God knows, we all need to feel safe in the fact the person we're dating isn't living some sort of secret or double life.

It's important to go there and to get that comfort of knowing they want you there. It's also nice to see with your own eyes that they have nothing to hide.

With that said, don't push it. Just be honest with each other and talk. When it's the right time, it will happen.

It takes time to get to know someone and to learn how they are. It takes time to build up the trust to feel comfortable enough to let go of insecurities and shyness.

Even after that happens, there may be things they won't do in front of you, and that's OK.

Let's go through some of the most common ones and why you shouldn't push them to change:

1. They lock the door every time they are in the bathroom.

Even in a very public world, there is still this thing called privacy, and some people really prefer to have it in that beautiful sanctuary that is the bathroom.

Forgive my crudeness here, but it doesn't mean they're pooping. But so what if they are? It also doesn't mean they're hiding anything, so don't allow that sort of paranoia.

It's very likely they just want privacy. They have every right in the world to want to be able to do whatever is they do in the bathroom without an audience.

Don't sit there knocking on the door every five minutes, asking what they're doing. How would you like that?

Not every woman wants to be gawked at while she does her girly things, and the same goes for a guy.

Maybe they have a quirky habit of winking at themselves in the mirror when they look extra good. I mean, it's a beautiful thing.

Maybe they want to admire that rare perfect hair day in peace. Perfect hair is hard work.

Don't worry about it. If there comes a point when they want to share the bathroom experience with you, they'll unlock the door.

Until then, leave them to their rituals and wait your turn.


2. They insist on having sex with the lights off.

Not everyone is trying to put on a show in the bedroom, and not everyone think they are a Greek statue naked.

Just because you walk around bare-assed any opportunity you get doesn't mean your partner is the same way. Real life isn't a porno, and it doesn't need to be.

If they have an insecurity about having sex with the lights on, just leave them off. Don't make it a thing.

If you insist on having them on, it will likely make your partner uncomfortable, which will make the sex awkward, and NOBODY wants that. I'd rather eat raw chicken.

Again, ensure you're doing your part to help build their confidence. The more attractive you make them feel in other ways, the more likely you are to get them to be more adventurous in the bedroom.

Take one step at a time, and stay positive. It's really a small thing when you think about it. You can still have plenty of fun with the lights off.


3. They don't feel comfortable eating certain things in front of you.

You don't need to comment or call them out if they're uncomfortable eating in front of you or if they stick to ordering salads at first. They know what they are doing, and they know why.

It really isn't a thing until you make it one. Let them eat what and how they want for as long as they want.

You may end up being thankful for those few months they did. All good things will — and do — come to an end, my friends. Once they start ordering that $40 prime rib on every date, your wallet is going to suffer if you're the one paying.


4. They don't dance when you're out.

Listen, just because you're a closet b-boy named “Twisty” or a five-time twerking world champion doesn't mean your partner is the same way. There are more people who can't dance than there are who can.

Case in point: I am the worst dancer on the planet, and I have a really ridiculous habit of inadvertently making the duck face when I do. But, my girl can drop it with the best of them. I'm proud of her, but I'm not trying to join her on the dance floor.

It's a fact some people just can't get down, and most of don't like to look like fools.

A lot of guys, especially tall ones, are as stiff as a board and look awkward AF while dancing. Some girls just weren't blessed with the twerking skills of others. No girl wants to be the only one on the dance floor who can't drop it low.

As long as they let you dance, then let it be and dance your little heart out. They probably enjoy being a spectator.


Just let them be the way they are.

Of course, we all want our SOs to feel completely secure and comfortable with us as quickly as possible. It makes us feel more comfortable the more comfortable they are, right?

Sure it does, but so what? Just do you, and let them do them.

Nobody wants to feel forced to do something they aren't ready for, and no one wants to feel like their traits are a problem for their partner. That only adds to their insecurity and discomfort.

Enjoy everything about them you love, and accept the things about them you don't. Take them just the way they come, and allow them to loosen up on their own terms.

Don't push them to do something they aren't comfortable doing. When they are ready, they will let you know.

Until then, just let it be.

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Chad Burrows

Contributor

I'm a musician, a writer, and a father to two beautiful boys.
I'm a musician, a writer, and a father to two beautiful boys.

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