Why You Need To Stop Having Drunk Sex And Start Being Confident In Your Sexuality

A recent Cosmo article called, “Why So Many Young People Think They Need Booze to Have Sex," should have made me gasp in horror, but it didn't. I didn't even blink when reading that 30 percent of sexually active women who drink admitted they wouldn't hook up without being inebriated.

I was shocked at how easily I shrugged off this information. Of course young people are using alcohol heavily before engaging in sex, I thought. It took me a few minutes to realize the weight of what I had just brushed aside.

Heavy drinking and sex are two things that just shouldn't go together, yet we've normalized them so much. Sure, we all know what we think is the upshot of “sexual drinking."

Things may seem a bit less awkward, you may feel better about the way your body looks and you could find yourself being a bit more brave in bed. But do we fully understand the harmful effects sexual drinking has on our sexual health?

I know this article may not make you put down the glass of wine you're working on before meeting up with your Tinder date. I just think it's important we have the facts so we can make decisions that are best for us.

A study from the Journal of Interpersonal Violence interviewed 178 college students. 23 percent of women and 7 percent of men surveyed admitted that they had one or more experiences of unwanted sex. The most frequently cited reason? Impaired judgment due to drinking.

Now, not every sexual experience is going to end with a mind-blowing orgasm and you riding a unicorn into a rainbow, but it isn't a great feeling to know you had sex when you didn't want to.

There is also the decreased chance of safe sex when you are blacking out beforehand. After a few drinks, you're ready to throw out your diet for that chili dog at the gas station, so can you really be trusted to wear a condom?

One study found that women who binge-drink contract gonorrhea at five times the rate of women who abstained from drinking. I personally don't like those odds.

You can't use a condom if you don't have one, so make sure to have some on hand. If you can't trust yourself or your partner to use a birth control method to protect you both, it's probably not the right time to be engaging in sex.

Additionally, the day after a night of drinking, you may find yourself feeling pretty unhappy, even if you had an amazing night!  Did you ever wonder why?  An increase in alcohol use is associated with increasing your risk of depression, especially if you're predisposed.

Sex and sadness aren't two words that should ever go together. Being intimate with someone isn't something that should be bringing you down. Instead, it should be making you feel good... really, really good!

Breaking the Habit

Hey, you're not alone! Lots of people have been swept up in the idea that you need a “social lubricant” in order to get into bed with someone. What's important is that you recognize you don't want to continue this behavior and want to make a change for a healthier you and a happier sex life!

1. Consider why you feel you need to drink.

Is it really necessary to establish a certain level of intoxication in order to have sex with someone? Are you feeling uncomfortable with your partner? Maybe that person isn't someone who deserves intimacy with you!

Do you feel self-conscious about the way your body looks naked? It could be time to explore where these body image issues are coming from and ways to empower yourself to feel more confident.

Is there something you enjoy during sex that you only feel comfortable asking for after a few drinks? Try thinking about where you got the idea that this something that is too risqué to share with your partner.

Verbalizing the reasons why you are drinking before sex is eye-opening. Taking action to address these issues can be really inspiring and a chance for awesome self-growth!

2. Evaluate your friend group.

Take a good look at the people you spend your free time with and make some decisions. There's a chance that heavy drinking and sex is standard brunch talk within your group of friends.

There is no need to shame them for their decisions, but it's time to think about how they would feel if you told them you were no longer interested in that kind of lifestyle.

If they wouldn't support you for giving up what makes you feel terrible, it's time to move on and find some more understanding girl tribe members!

3. Take a step back.

We all know taking a break from things, even amazing things, can be a positive experience. That's why you gave up your morning muffin for that one-week juice cleanse, right? Maybe it's time to give take a step back from having sex and focus a bit on yourself.

You certainly don't have to give up orgasms! That's something you can handle on your own. But it may be good to refrain from sex for a bit as a way of restarting what will be a new phase of your sex life.

Take some time to learn more about yourself, gain understanding about what gives you pleasure and give yourself forgiveness for things in your past.

Now you have the facts. Whatever route you decide to take, make sure it's one that is safe and brings you happiness!