A Beginner's Guide To Good Butt Play
Just the thought of having a finger (or any object for that matter) in or around the inner regions of a perky ass makes most of the world's butts clench up. But the butt is an exceptional way for anyone to get themselves off, whether you're a man or woman.
Curious about the beginner’s guide to good butt play, I turned to the experts. "The prostate is easily accessible in men by gradually working into full sensation a few inches in," Dr. Kat Van Kirk, certified sex therapist for Adam & Eve, told Elite Daily. “Two inches on woman’s upper vaginal wall is where you'll find the glands. You'll know by sensation. Some women refer to it as an anal orgasm.
If you’re interested in exploring anal penetration and stimulation with your partner, it’s absolutely imperative that you discuss consent, intentions, boundaries — before, during, after any sort of sexual encounter. As always, communication is key to any healthy relationship. “Always discuss anything you want to try outside of the bedroom in a neutral environment,” Emily Morse, sexologist and host of the Sex With Emily podcast, previously told Elite Daily. “This way, no one will feel pressured, and you both can be open and honest without judgment. Gauge each other’s interest in what you’re open to, and make sure to talk about any concerns and boundaries along with what you both want to try."
If you’re interested in exploring all things anal, remember the following five things.
Have very good hygiene.
According Dr. Van Kirk, "very little fecal matter actually exists in the rectum.” That being said, you should make a conscious effort to be a little extra thorough the next time you shower. Although the vagina may be self-cleaning and doesn't benefit from douching, your colon certainly can be cleaned. Douching with warm water can assist in rinsing your anus out, while a regular pack of baby wipes can come in handy when cleaning the exterior rim.
However, it’s important to note that constant and repetitive douching can lead to irritation or cuts on the anal tissue, so clean out the rectum using this tactic only every so often, and do so properly by using a soft, rounded nozzle (like this Ultra Douche), tons of lubricant, and a moderate amount of water.
Lube up, and talk it through.
Throughout every step of anal play, communicate to your partner what's working for you, what feels good, and what feels uncomfortable. Additionally, using a lubricant is crucial and can reduce friction and discomfort. "Putting your lubed fingers around the rim and tickling the perineum can help you either of you gauge interest," says Dr. Van Kirk.
Morse echoes Dr. Van Kirk. "It’s best to start off simply exploring the anal opening with your fingers,” she said. “As there are so many nerve endings and it’s crucial to get comfortable with touch to the area." Rub lubricant on your fingers, and carefully place them around the rim, tickling the perineum. This can help you both to ease into anal play.
Fingers first, toys later.
When people think of butt play, their minds may immediately go to that Broad City episode about pegging. However, before jumping to strap-ons, a beginner should consider starting exploring with their fingers.
Once you become more comfortable exploring anal with your partner, consider incorporating in a toy. "Rub or vibrate the outside first, graduating to inserting more of the toy or finger," Dr. Van Kirk says.
One again, when bringing toys into the bedroom, lube is key. Morse recommended the water and silicone-based lines by System Jo, which were designed specifically for anal stimulation. "As far as products go, a butt plug, like the FT London G-Plug, or a prostate stimulator, like the Vibratex Black Pearl, can definitely act as the middleman when you’re ready for something a little bigger than fingers,” she said.
Take things slow and steady.
Butt play requires a little bit more preparation, so don’t be afraid to go slow. "This will help increase anticipation as well as show your partner that you respect them and are willing to slow things down to avoid any pain," says Dr. Van Kirk. Work your way into it, maybe just by dabbling around the rim using a finger without penetration. Anal play can only be satisfying when all parties involved are feeling comfortable and relaxed.
"Knocking out a few orgasms before you go through the backdoor will definitely relax you and loosen you up," Morse said. Additionally, remember to breathe through the experience. "The more deep breaths you take, the easier it will be to relax the sphincter muscles, which we often tighten up as a first reaction because we’re nervous."
It can be a great way to get off.
Anal play involves such a sensitive part of the body that exposing it to someone else can be an incredibly vulnerable experience. Moreover, partaking in anal sex can require a certain level of comfortability. In order to facilitate an open and honest rapport with your partner, communicate throughout every stage of your hookup.
"make sure both of you are on the same page by talking about it first and going slowly at a pace you’re comfortable with,” Morse added. "Don’t focus on finishing, but the sensations you’re feeling in the moment. And if it turns out it’s just not your thing, that’s OK."
Experts:
Dr. Kat Van Kirk, certified sex therapist for Adam & Eve.
Emily Morse, sexologist and host of the Sex With Emily.
Additional reporting by Iman Hariri-Kia
