In college, I was in a long-distance relationship that involved some pretty heavy petting over Skype.
The year was 2008, which was, coincidentally, the same time *NSYNC's "Digital Get Down" came out — a song about cyber sex.
Big year for doin' it online, I guess.
Cell phones and the internet have definitely changed the dating game. Instead of a bouquet of flowers, I am often assaulted with the eggplant emoji at 2 a.m. or an unwanted Snapchat story from a guy I've only been on a few dates with.
But when it comes to sex positivity, empowerment, and taking control over your own love life, more and more women are starting to love — and initiate — sexting, too.
So whether you're in a long-distance relationship, looking to spice things up, or just want to pleasantly surprise that Bumble match you're vibing with, here's how to turn a regular convo into some fun and flirty sexting.
You are welcome!
Ambush him with a nude.
I once dated a guy who constantly asked me for pictures of my boobs: "Hello, good morning, will you send me a picture of you in your bra?"
Men, there is nothing less sexy than you asking for n00dz. Asking takes all of the fun out of it and comes off really slime ball-ish. You're not a dog, so stop begging for treats. (Men actually might be dogs, but the jury is still out on that one.)
For the guy who deserves it, though, a mid-day nude ambush or a NSFW picture sent at exactly the wrong time — when your guy is at work — can actually be really fun and will definitely leave him thinking about you for the rest of the day.
However, just like you'd never have sex without protection, you shouldn't sext unprotected either. That means don't include your face or any identifiable features in your pics.
I'm just looking out for you, sis.
Demand something of him.
Be bossy for a bit and tell him what you want. Play around with any dominant and submissive roles that usually might exist within your bedroom.
Is your guy usually in charge in the sack? Well, now, it's your turn. Text him a detailed fantasy of what you're going to do to him, and end it with a "GTG back to work! Talk later!"
Or you could tell him that, tonight, it's his responsibility to make you come X amount of times. Let him know in detail how you want it done.
When it comes to sexting, some words are better than others. For example, let's stay away from the word "moist." (But you probably knew that already.) Also, stay away from clinical, anatomical terms. You don't want to feel like you're in science class.
Try out some of these good sexting words: hard, wet, huge, tight... you get the gist.
Reminisce.
Remind your guy of some of your favorite times you two had together. Let him know he made you orgasm hard last night or that you were just thinking about the first time you guys ever had sex.
You can even say you were just talking with your girl friends about how perfect his you-know-what is.
Are you lying? Probably! But sexting is an elaborate role play that is meant to be fun for both parties. So you might as well be the Meryl Streep of sexting and start playing the part.
Tell him your fantasy.
Let him know you just came while thinking about him (while masturbating, obviously — not with another guy). And if you're horny, let him know.
Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, gave Bustle some suggestions of texts you can send:
I'm going to let you do anything you want to me. I'm going to make you beg for it. I'm going to make you come so hard. My clothes are coming off the second you get home.
Another option? Why don't you try sending, "Do you think I should touch myself right now?" and ask him what he thinks you should fantasize about.
But don't forget to be emotionally vulnerable as well, or you'll only ever go in the "person he sexts with" box.
Sexting buzzkills and reminders
Sexting isn't all fun and games. Make a typo? Fall in to some bad selfie lighting? Accidentally send a pic where your boob has made its way into you armpit? Even worse, decide to engage in conversation with a guy who is just not worth it?
There are some sexting dos and don'ts you should be familiar with before you decide to turn a regular conversation into a sexting one.
1. Beware of typos. (I mean, duck instead of f*ck? Nothing kills a mood like a spelling error.)
2. Make sure your phone is charged.
3. Don't accidentally send a nude to your mom and/or brother.
4. Don't take a selfie in a very messy bathroom or bedroom. (Clean up first, girl!)
5. Don't send nudes to a guy who is not worth your time.
6. And remember, any nude or sext that you send a man has the high potential of being shown to all his friends. Are you comfortable with that?
While there are several sexting buzzkills, never forget the number one rule before you start sexting: Is he really worth it?
