Being In Love Is Not A Right — It's A Privilege

Now that all the important holidays are over, it is time to make our way through my very least favorite holiday: Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day, the granddaddy of all “Hallmark” holidays, comes once a year bringing with it life-size teddy bears, heart-shaped boxes of chocolate, overly emotional love ballads and intense professions of love that get you high, only to only drop you flat on your ass the following week. Yay V-Day!

What I find most repulsive — yet at the same time rather amusing — is how every person all of a sudden comes to the conclusion that, because it’s Valentine’s Day, they are deserving of love; the same people that have treated their former partners like crap in return for the love they received now believe that they deserve to be shown some affection. What the hell makes you think that?

Pause and skim through your past love experiences — take a look at the person that you were when you believed yourself to be in love. Remember how well you were treated and remind yourself of how awful you treated your lover in return. Most of us were lucky enough to have experienced love firsthand.

Seeing as how you’re still reading this, I have to assume that you have either broken a few hearts yourself or had yours broken; love being the ever returning boomerang that it is, you most likely have experienced a little bit of both. Look back on the love that you have once shared, look back at the relationship itself and how it ended, and then ask yourself whether or not you are even worthy of love. Considering the ways you treated your old love and all the heartache that you caused them, what makes you believe that you are worthy of love?

Human beings are needy creatures — needy, egocentric, self-righteous creatures. We often believe ourselves to be worthy of things that, if looked upon from an objective standpoint, we should never deem ourselves to be worthy of.

Take a look back at your previous relationships and the way that you treated your lover. How did things end? Why did they end? Did they end because you were cheated on and treated like garbage? Or were you the one swinging the bat?

I’m sure that many of you were the victims — and I’m sorry to hear that. The rest of you, however, are undoubtedly guilty of being poor lovers and therefore — ipso facto — are unworthy of love. Let me put it this way: you’re an ass and you don’t deserve it.

Too many people take love for granted. We are bombarded with love stories so often that we quickly forget how rare true, honest love really is. With all the showmanship that goes on every Valentine’s Day season with people strutting about with their lovers pretending that their relationships are healthy, buying each other roses, boxes of sugary treats and professing their everlasting love for each other, one would never guess how crappy these relationships actually are.

All of this is done purely for show — to show everybody how “great” their relationship is compared to how shitty everyone else’s is. Then, when Valentine’s Day is only a thing of the past, the relationship goes back to falling apart.

So don’t be fooled into believing that every person is worthy of love — most of the people you see parading their “love” about have never experienced love in the first place. Sure, you are a much better person than that other guy, but being better than a piece of shit isn’t saying much.

Deserving love requires you to take a certain amount of responsibility upon yourself. You must remember that while being in love makes you feel great, makes you feel like you’re on top of the world, being in love isn’t about you; your focus cannot be how great you yourself feel. When you love someone, all that matters to you is how that other person feels; you yourself feeling great is only a bonus.

When you are in love you are basically holding the other person’s heart in your hands. All their emotions, beliefs, hopes, future plans and love are at your disposal once love tears down their guard -- the tiniest squeeze will shake their very soul.

When in this position, you are literally capable of changing that person’s life forever. In fact, no matter how things turn out, you will have changed that person. Take a moment to think about that. If things between you two work out and your love flourishes, that person’s life will be entirely different than if they had never met you. Fuck with their feelings and squeeze until their heart pops and you will have also changed them forever.

Love is more than just an emotion — it’s a moment of change. Being in love is stepping into the unknown without a shield to protect yourself, hoping to survive the outcome. Striking someone in this position is cruel and makes you undeserving of love. Before you focus on how badly you believe you need love in your life, ask yourself if you are ready; ask yourself if you deserve the privilege of being in love and of being loved.

Paul Hudson | Elite. 

For more from Paul, follow him on Twitter, @MrPaulHudson