I don't think I had an orgasm from penetration (otherwise known as a "G-spot orgasm") until I was 28. I was convinced I was incapable of even having one at all.
"I don't even believe a G-spot orgasm exists," I would say, puffing on a cigarette, flicking the ash into a crushed Diet Coke can.
"Me neither! I can never come from sex! Girls who say that are lying," my best friend would shout, stamping out her cigarette in solidarity.
But then, it finally happened to me.
My girlfriend was fingering me, which, at that point, I only enjoyed out of novelty. The idea of a girl's finger inside of me felt intimate, like we were ~connected~.
But in truth, it didn't really feel that amazing. It was more of a mental thrill.
"Holy shit, holy shit, HOLY SHIT!" I screamed in amazement as I felt the spine-tingling rush of a G-spot orgasm for the first time.
My girlfriend immediately looked worried. "Babe, are you OK?"
"I just had my first inside orgasm," I gasped, tears in my eyes.
And the sex just continued to get better each year. By the time I reached 30, my sex life reached new heights of bliss.
By the time I reached 30, my sex life reached new heights of bliss.
Here's why your sex life will improve so drastically by 30:
You'll have orgasms from penetration.
After I had my first penetrative orgasm, they were still few and far between. But sometime between the ages of 29 and the sparkly newness of 30, I started having them every single time I had sex.
So why was I, all of a sudden, blessed with this ability to orgasm when, for so many years, I could only come from clit stimulation?
Well, I learned how to position myself in specific ways that hit the G-spot.
For instance, if I elevate my hips and shift my body slightly to the left, BAM. Her finger (or the dildo) perfectly hits my G-spot, and I'm on the orgasm train.
And when I'm coming and you're inside of me while I'm coming, it's an intoxicating rush like nothing else.
I feel like you're in full in control of me, which, as a 30-year-old woman who takes CHARGE in every aspect of her damn life, letting someone else take charge of my body, in such a hot, visceral way is an awesome turn-on.
You won't hate your body (as much).
It's no secret I've waged a war against my body since I was 14.
I spent half of high school starving myself and the other half sticking my fingers down my throat and vomiting out everything I consumed. ("Purging" is the polite way to say it, but I prefer to call it what it is: VOMITING.)
Anyway, I hated my body so much, I felt disconnected from it.
When someone touched me, my entire body winced. I didn't even want my partner to look at my naked body, let alone touch it.
I spent most of my sex life being dominant and taking the reigns in the bedroom, just so I could distract my partner from looking at me or touching me.
And even though I still struggle with my body image, it's gotten so much better, babe.
I think that's the result of a lot of things: yoga, getting healthier (AKA eating and not vomiting), therapy and having kind, gentle lovers.
Now, I can actually be touched without holding my breath and focus my attention on feeling the sensations of sex, rather than trying to hide my repulsive body.
You'll switch roles in the bedroom... and like it.
Now that I'm older and have worked through my traumas and insecurities, I've become more submissive in the bedroom.
And guess what? I've realized I actually prefer to be the submissive kitten and a little ~out of control~.
But I've also realized this: I CANNOT be submissive or play around with sub/dom stuff unless I feel safe and respected by my partner. I made that mistake before, and it's damaging AF... which leads me directly to my next point.
You'll only fuck people who make you feel safe and respected.
This one is a biggie. When I was younger, I had sex with people who treated me like shit.
I did this because I felt like shit. I subconsciously thought if I could convince a person who also felt shitty about me that I was "OK" and "good," maybe I'd believe I was "OK" and "good."
SPOILER ALERT: It doesn't work.
It's mainly in the aftermath. After I had sex with someone who was a total asshole, I would feel horrible about myself. Now that I only have sex with people who are kind, I never feel any shame after.
In fact, I feel empowered by my sexuality, which is definitely the best feeling ever.
You won't be blacked out all the time.
It wasn't until recently that I discovered the power of SOBER SEX.
I used to be caught up in this cycle: "Ugh, I hate my body, but I'm going to have to have sex. Oh, I feel better about my body after three glasses of champagne. After four, I completely forget that ever hated my body!"
It wasn't until recently that I discovered how the power of sober sex.
And by the time I would actually have sex, I would be blacked out, and I wouldn't feel things (which was probably the point).
But now that I'm unafraid to feel (I finally realized feelings can't kill me), I've realized, "Shit, sex is incredible when you let yourself ~feel~ it sober."
You'll only have sex with people you're attracted to.
It took me so long to figure out I don't owe anyone sex — that someone being nice to me didn't mean I had to spread my legs for them.
But unfortunately, I was very much taught my sexuality existed to please others.
"Oh just flirt a bit, they'll get you the audition," I'd think to myself.
I never thought that maybe I could get the audition on my own because I was actually a good actress, and I didn't think I had anything to offer the world besides my sexuality. Sex was simply a tool to please others, to be liked and to get things.
But now, I only fuck people I'm attracted to. I've realized, when you have sex with someone you're physically repulsed by, it taints even good sex.
You start to subconsciously connect sex to obligation, and anything you're obligated to do is not fun or enjoyable.
You might be obligated to go to the baby shower full of pent-up housewives, just to appease your sweet cousin. But that's not sex.
Now, sex represents freedom to me. And nothing feels as good as freedom, baby.
