Why Gay Men Are Jealous Of Straight Couples' Sex Lives

When a straight man has sex, it's absurdly different from when a gay man has sex.

How would I know? Because once upon a time, I was into girls, and I had sex with one, too!

I'm a fast learner, so I was able to work my way around a vagine pretty easily. I mean, I may not have really known what I was doing, but I was aware there was a hole... so I threw on a condom and stuck something in it.

It really can't get much simpler than that.

Fast forward to years later, I'm as gay as the day is long, and I'm witnessing sex from a whole other side of the spectrum.

Sex for guys, at least as a frequent bottom, requires an annoying amount of planning. Spontaneity will never be a thing.

And, as fond of penis as I am, sometimes I just can't help but be envious of all my macho guy friends and the casual, nonchalant straight sex they're able to have.

Here are four reasons why.

I can't just "put it anywhere."

For regular ol' couples, vaginal penetration is the obvious go-to for sex, while dabbling with anal is more a luxury.

For the gays, it's a whole different story. It's basically like, put it in my butt or you're not putting it anywhere at all.

I'm not saying that's necessarily a bad thing (because prostate stimulation can be mighty fine if done right), but it's a similar feeling as walking into McDonalds and only being able to order a McChicken every single time.

Just having some alternative options would be nice.

If I don't use lube, I will instantly regret it.

For straight couples, lube is a choice.

When a woman is “wet,” it's because she's naturally producing lubrication while she's aroused.

Unfortunately, I am not a mutant from “X-Men” and my anus is not gifted with that power. You see, a butt is not only tight, but it's probably just as dry as California during a drought.

Lube — no matter what the base oil — is essential when it comes to gay sex because if it's not used, bottoming is going to feel like someone is literally ripping you apart.

That's never a fun time.

Preparing your body for sex can be extremely annoying.

If two straight people want to have sex, they're going to do it. Whether it'd in a bed, a party, or a park bathroom, they'll make it happen.

While that is possible for gays, there's usually some sort of time taken to physically prepare your body for penetration.

It's after you've douched for what feels like an eternity that you give up and conclude “shit happens.” Sometimes, not feeling clean can be an absolute turn off, but other times, you just have to roll with it.

That is, unless you've just consumed an unhealthy amount of Indian food. In that case, sex is going to have to wait.

You always need to establish your position.

When things heat up between a guy and a girl, it's common sense which of the two will be on the receiving end of a dick.

For gay guys, unless it's already been discussed through some sort of telepathy, there are a whole bunch of homosexual boxes that need to be checked off before sex can even remotely commence.

Are you a power top or are you a whiny bottom? Do you like to keep things interesting and be versatile? Are you more submissive or are you into taking control? Sometimes, if the guys just aren't compatible, or aren't willing to switch it up every once in a while, things (like your dick) can go soft real fast.

We gays just have their preferences.

That doesn't mean we can always be picky.